I Did It!!

I did it, I did it, I did it!!!  I moved that whole damn couch by myself!!!  I had to rectruit my step dad to open the door, but I moved that sucker.  There's a feeling of empowerment that comes with doing something you didn;t think you could do.  A year ago there is no way I would have been able to move one piece so much as a foot.

I went to step yesterday, worked up a good sweat, then went grocery shopping, came home and made lunch then hit up the park.  I went for a 30 minute walk around the track while the kids played at the playground.  I really love this park.  The track and playground are set up in such a way that no matter where I am on the track I have a clear view of the playground.  Luckily it wasn't crowded otherwise I wouldn't have gone walking.  Too many kids makes it too difficult to pick out my two if I'm further away.  My kids are good, they know to stay in the playground and not go wandering, they know about stranger danger and we live in a pretty safe area, but anything could happen anywhere.

I really wanted to go to the BBG's class today, but I am pretty sore from moving the couch.  I'm thinking I might do 2 of the cardio DVD's from FE.  We're going to have a play date at a friend's house after lunch and then the kids have swimming lessons at 3.  After that I'll be getting ready to head to Bethlehem to see 311!  Again!! Lol.  So excited.  I really don't even NEED to workout today since I'm going to the concert.  I plugged it into My Fitness Pal after Friday's show and I burned over 300 calories dancing and jumping and just going wild.  I'm still going to do something though.  I'm in the workout zone and I want to stay there.  Also I absolutely have to do abs today.  If I do nothing else I'm going to do core work.

I did cave a little last night.  I gave into a craving.  It wasn't bad though.  I had a Lender's bagel.  So I had a 140 calorie binge.  But that could quickly turn into 200 calories which can become 300 and so on.  I'm not going to dwell on it though.  And I am INSANELY proud of myself for not touching those damn donuts I bought on Saturday.  Oh, I thought about it.  I really wanted to, but I didn't.  I didn't have so much as a bite.  I split both of them in half and my kids shared.  They each had a half on Sunday and a half yesterday and now the donuts are out of here.  That right there is a huge NSV.

Speaking of the scale, I did hop on yesterday.  But I didn't weigh myself Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or today for that matter.  I normally hop on first thing in the morning right after I go to the bathroom before I eat anything.  I did step on yesterday morning though.  124.2 which means on the WW scale I'm 123.8.  I really hope that I can either maintain that or go lower by Thursday.  I would love to be able to finally break through 124.  I already had breakfast so I won't be weighing today and I won't weigh tomorrow either.  I can resist the urge and wait until Thursday.

Lastly before I wrap this up, thanks for putting up with my whining yesterday.  This is as much of a mental process as it is a physical one.  Physically I'm there, but mentally I still need some work.  So that's it.  Happy last day of July!  OMG, can't believe August is upon us!

Not Quite Super Woman

Before I get into this post, I want to share a funny story with you.  My neighbors are moving and they had this really nice 3 piece sectional out by the road with a sign that said free.  So I stopped and talked to them and they were willing to bring in down to my house for me.  Alright awesome.  So they unload the couch and I told them they could just leave it on the lawn, I would take care of it.  I thanked them and they left.  So I start moving the couch over to my front door, because it's a double door and they only way to get large pieces of furniture into my house.  I don't use my front door very often and the last time I had both sides open was about a year ago.  Also my house is literally 200 years old.  I think you see where I'm going with this.  The second door will not open!  It's stuck or dry rotted or something but the damn thing won't open.  I am 5 feet tall, 124 pounds, and I can move an entire sofa all by myself, but I can't open an effing door.  Are you kidding me???  So angry. Lol.  This is the couch, just so you have a clear visual.

So last night to kill some time before RHONJ (which I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay up to watch anyway) I decided to watch Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition.  The girl on there was my age and 435 lbs.  She seemed like she wanted to lose the weight so badly, but then whenever the trainer would push her she would throw a fit.  I couldn't help but think about how lucky she was to have this opportunity to have some one train her and show her what to eat and turn her home into a gym, as well as give her a gym membership and she's throwing it away.  I would have done anything for that kind of opportunity and she just doesn't really seem to want it.  It kind of made me mad.  However, even at my heaviest, I was still literally only half this woman's size.  While I can relate to what it's like to be obese to some extent, I really have no clue what it's like to be that big.  So maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge.

Anyway, a commercial comes on and I get up to go to the bathroom.  And as usual I stop and start looking at myself in the mirror.  So I'm looking and this thought pops into my head "I can totally relate to that girl, I don't want to be fat anymore."  Woah, what?  I DIDN'T want to be fat anymore, which is why I did something about it.  I'm a normal weight and a healthy BMI, so why am I still looking in the mirror and calling myself fat?  Why am I still so damned unhappy with the way I look?   Why for the love of God can I not look at myself and think "Damn!  I look pretty good!"  Seriously, WTF is wrong with me?  At 124 pounds I still think I'm fat.  Maybe if I was like 4' tall I would be kinda chunky, but even I'm not quite that short!  I really just don't know how to even begin to fix this, or if it's possible to fix.  This is beyond me thinking I have a little pooch in my stomach (I do, but that's besie the point), or wishing my thighs and butt were a little more toned.  I legit think I'm fat.  But then I see the number on the scale, I see the size clothes I'm wearing and I know that just can't be true.  That there is no way I'm fat.  But when I look in the mirror I still see that girl I saw way back in November when I started this.

It's just not fair.  I have done so much and come so far and I feel like I'm really not benefiting from the results.  Okay, from a health standpoint I know I probably am, but mentally, this has done nothing for me except make me feel like more of a failure because here I am trying to not be fat and oh look, I've failed.  All the watching what I eat and ass busting workouts and I am still fat.  If I don't look like my very dear friend Nicole (who has also had 2 kids) or that skinny bitch at the gym, or Melissa Gorga, well then dammit I must be fat.  I will NEVER look like these women.  Why?  Because I'm not them.  Our bodies are different, we've been through different things, and it just won't happen.  So why do I continue to strive for the impossible?  Why can't I look at my accomplishments and pat myself on the back instead of kick myself in the ass?  I don't get it, I just don't.  I really just feel like I suck right now and all I want to do is dive face first into a box of Dunkin Donuts.  And maybe some Pizza Hut.  OMG, it's not even 8 in the morning, why in the hell am I thinking about pizza???

It doesn't matter because I'm not going to do either of those things.  I am going to finish writing this, get my kids dressed for the day, get myself ready and head to my step class. 

Sunday Check In

I want to start off by saying I am so proud of me for sucking it up and going to step class yesterday.  I really really did not feel like going but I felt so much better afterwards!  The rest of the day we pretty much took it easy.  My mom said the kids didn't get a whole lot of sleep either. They went to bed late and were up at 4!  So we cuddled in my room and watched Aladdin, then played the Wii until dinner.  I did take them to McDonald's for lunch so they could run around a bit.  I didn't get anything though.  Lesson learned about fast food, it's not good enough to justify the calories.  The chicken sandwich I got Friday on the way home was good, but not 400+ calories good.  If I'm going to be eating that much, I want to spend it on something I love, like Pizza Hut =)  Looooove Pizza Hut pizza.  Don't ask me why, I just always have.  Or Ihop.  At least I'm getting a shit ton of food for 400 calories.

I put the kids to bed at 6 last night and they slept til 6:45 this morning!  I myself went to bed at 8:45, was out by 9 I would say at the latest and also slept til 6:45.  Yup, all ready for cardio kickbox in an hour and a half!  Then I have to go into work today.  Yup, gotta go make that money.  Especially if I really want to try and make this cruise thing happen in March.  It's going to be tough, and I probably won't have much spending money, but dammit I want to go so very badly.  And the cruise is an excellent way to keep me motivated.  I noticed I've been stepping up my game when it comes to my ab work the last few days.

Oh and I have an NSV to share with all of you.  It's Sunday, and I haven't weighed myself since Thursday!  I'm trying to kick the habit, lol.  So I guess that's all I have.  I want to thank DB for her suggestion on a challenge for August.  If any one else has any ideas, that would be awesome!  And in case you hadn't noticed, I challenged myself to blog every day in July.  Two more days!  I didn't announce it just in case I didn't do it, lol.  But I've done really well.  Even on days I didn't have much to say, I still came here and checked in.  Alrighty, I gotta go get ready to hit the gym.  Enjoy!

Quickie Update

I got about 4 hours of sleep, I'm exhausted, but last night was so worth it!  311 brought it (like I knew they would).  I would say they played a lot of great songs, but all their songs are great so.....=P  Also according to My Fitness Pal, I burned over 300 calories dancing around like a crazy person, so bonus!  Unfortunately I gained those calories right back when we stopped at BK on the way home.  I got the grilled chicken sandwich (12PP), but I only ate 6 of my fries before giving the rest to one of my friends.  All in all awesome night, excited to do it again Tuesday.  Gotta go get my kids and then head to the gym.

Non Official WI & Toaster Strudel

So I tried weighing again around the time I would if I went to WW, and my scale read 124.4 which on the WW scale would be 124!  Yay, so I did lose!  I feel better now, lol.  I didn't go to the gym yesterday, instead I did RI30.  I am going today though and doing the BBG's class which would be the total body toning one.  I really don't feel like it though.  I couldn't sleep last night and have been up since 1 AM!  I don't really have to go to the gym today, I will be getting a hell of a workout later!

That's right, the long awaited day is finally here!  311 in Philly!  I am going to spend a few hours dancing and jumping and just going insane!  I really need to try and get a nap in, but I'm too excited!  I know I keep talking about this, but there are really only 3 things in my life I'm passionate about : My kids, weight loss/fitness, and 311.  If you have never been to one of their shows, I am telling you, you are missing out.  There is nothing else out there that can even be able to come close to the amount of energy that is at a 311 concert.  None.  And for the most part, everyone there is so nice!  It's very rare that you meet an a**hole at a 311 show.  So anyway I'm just super excited to go see my band that I have loved for the last, oh, 18 years of my life and to be around other 311 fans, and maybe meet a hot 311 guy ;)

But before I can do all that, I should go to the gym just so I feel better, and I need to hit Wal Mart to buy a new coffee maker and some new razon blades.  I also want to try that new Nair wax.  Have any of you tried it?  I'm just getting so sick of shaving, and the commercials say it lasts like 8 weeks or something.

So I made a mistake last night.  I had some points left over and for the first time ever I let the kids talk me into buying toaster strudel at the Shop Rite this week.  Boston creme flavor.  5 PP a piece.  So I had one.  Oh.  My.  God.  Sooooooo good!  Just like eating a donut only better because this has less calories!  I was in heaven.  Big mistake.  Now I know how awesome they are and I want more.  But I'm being good!  I did end up going over my Points last night.  I got hungry and was resisting the urge to have another toaster strudel, so I had some reduced fat wheat thins.  Well that's it, happy Friday!

So Not My Morning

Well so far today I woke up an entire hour earlier than usual.  Yup, I was up at 4 AM, awesome.  Then the scale decided it didn't like me and gave me 125.2, which on the WW scale would be 124.8 which is exactly where I was last week.  So I took my measurements hoping that would cheer me up.  Not, not so much.  Exactly the same as last month.  I know, I know, at least the numbers haven't gone up, but I have been working sooooooo hard!  So then my coffee maker decided to crap out on me.  I didn't want to drag the kids all the way to Dunkin Donuts so I figured I would just run to Quick Chek.  Well those mother effers, wouldn't you know it, they don't have French Vanilla???   I was forced to get hazelnut.  I freaking hate hazelnut.  And to top it all off it started pouring when I pulled in my driveway so the kids and I had to run to the house.  Today is just no bueno and it's only 7:30.  Really hope this gets better.

Okay, on a more positive note, I am much stronger and have more endurance than I did a month ago.  You should have seen me in kickboxing yesterday.  When we were doing the sidekicks, I could literally kick myself in the face, that's how high I was able to get my legs!  So that's a plus.  My ab muscles are becoming more prominant, though I still have a nice layer of fat over them, but they are definately more visible.  I have been able to maintain my weight and not feel deprived.  I have gone out and enjoyed myself and not seen any kind of signifcant gain, and what little I may have put on I was able to take back off.  I am eating vegetables every day.  I am actually drinking at least 8 glasses of water every day if not more.  Oh and yesterday, I did NOT go for my FiberOne brownie as soon as I finished lunch like usual.  I was actually able to save it for later!  I always grab it as soon as I'm done with lunch, but not yesterday.  Those are all the good things I have been able to accomplish in the last 30 days. 

I should probably try to not be so hard on myself.  I've come a long way.  I think I want to challenge myself a little more though.  I need to come up with something for August.  I don't know if I want it to be an exercise challenge or some sort of food challenge.  Any ideas?  I was thinking maybe try Paleo for the month of August, or try not to eat anything processed, or maybe try a new fruit or veg every day?  I need some input guys!  Well, I need to go actually do stuff now.  36 hours til 311!!!

OMG!!!! Seriously????

I want to start off by saying, I did not go to the gym yesterday.  However, I took the kids to the park and I ended up walking for TWO HOURS.  According to My Fitness Pal, I burned just slightly over my goal for the day, so I'm happy with that.  It's back to the gym today for cardio kickbox with Stacy!  I leave in about an hour.  Food wise I ate 29 PP.  And that was including the small caramel mocha iced coffee I had.  Yay me!  Also I will NOT be having an "official WW" WI this week or next week.  No, I'm not trying to skip out, but we're not having a meeting this week and I refuse to drive 25 minutes just to hop on a scale.  Next week I will be going to see 311 (AGAIN!!! WEEEE!!!) on Thursday, so obvs no WI then either.  I will weigh at home and take .4 off to compensate for the WW scale.

Now on to business.  I have only been blogging for about 9 months, and the first month doesn't really count because while I wanted to be serious and blog, I wasn't serious about my weight loss.  So like so many others, I avoided this place.  Anyway, so imagine my surprise when Grace said she nominated me for Versatile Blogger!  Wow!  Since starting this there are a few bloggers that I personally really look up to and consider like "blog celebrities" and Grace happens to be one of them, so to get a nomination from her was a huge honor, thanks Grace!  My problem is finding bloggers to nominate.  This is an issue for 2 reasons.  1 being that I love all the blogs I follow (otherwise I wouldn't follow them, right?) and 2 it says "new to blogging." Most of the people I follow have been at this a while I think.  But here it goes.

First I would like to nominate DB at 204 & Losing It. 
Then Gina at Burning Babi Fat
Nikki at The Road to Less Cake
In Weigh Over My Head
Deb at Deb is Losing It
Holly at 300 Pounds Down
Bailey at Being Bailey J
Kelly at Curvy Fit Girl
Grace at Grace Dishes
And Staci at Staci's Slimdown

Here are the rules: *

Nominate 10 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging *

Let them know you have nominated them *

Share 7 random facts about yourself *

Thank the bloggers that have nominated you *

Add the versatile blogger award to your post

Okay, 7 random facts.  Here we go..........                                                                                                 

1. I was born at the worst possible time ever.  I was born EARLY on a MONDAY morning.  Monday morning.  Everybody hates Mondays and most people hate mornings.  Doesn't matter though because you all LOVE me, right?                                                                                                                         

2. When I was a kid I used to drink mustard right from the bottle.  I can't stand mustard now                 well except honey or dijion.  Is that  weird?                                                                                           

3. The house I currently live in was actually bought by my great grandparents way back in the day.  And when they ran this place is was an active farm complete with cows, horses, sheep, chickens, etc etc.  I think that's pretty cool, I have a nice piece of family history here.               

4. In the 8th grade as extra credit on a history test, we were told we could write the preamble for the Constitution.  But in order to get credit, it had to be word for word and with the correct punctuation.  To this day I can still recite it.  I would type it here, but I wouldn't want to be accused of cheating.  Kelly, when I see you next week, I'll do it and you can vouch for me, k? Lol

5. I absolutely LOVE breakfast.  I might love breakfast food even more than I love sweets.  I could eat breakfast all day.  And no, I'm not talking about cereal.  I'll have some eggs with bacon, Taylor ham, hash browns, some pancakes, french toast, maybe a waffle and a nice big fresh bagel. Om nom nom nom.                 

6. I like to dance while I'm driving.  I really just like to dance, but I definately dance in the car all the time.  I am that jackass you see going down the highway just grooving.

7. My very first career aspiration EVER was to be a trapeeze artist in the Ringling Bros. circus.  I kid you not.  I was about 3 years old and I saw them and I thought they were so beautiful and graceful.  I just wanted to legit run away to join the circus.  Then I grew up and discovered I am deathly afraid of heights and that I am barely coordinated enough to walk let alone fly through the air.  So there you have it!              

Stalling & 311

I was able to speak to Stacy yesterday before class.  She suggested just using the risers on the step for half the class and taking them off.  So I tried that but I didn't feel challenged enough.  She also said that I am probably just getting used to getting back into harder workouts and that it's good to push myself but to listen to my body and that I had done the right thing by leaving.  I'll figure it out.

I did get out the scale yesterday (though I did NOT weigh myself Sunday!) and I was 125.2 which means on the WW scale I would be 124.8.  So basically I haven't gained or lost.  This is really so annoying.  I'm so close I can taste it and yet I just can't seem to get there.  I know I should be proud and happy that I have lost as much as I have, that I'm at a healthy BMI, and that I have been able to maintain so far, but ugh.  I joined the freaking gym and will be shelling out more money than I really have every month starting in September so I would really like to see the scale start moving in a downward direction.  I don't even want to go to the gym today.  I actually might skip it today and do something at home.  I'm pretty sore today and my body just feels tired.

I'm so happy today looks like it's going to be a good weather day.  The kids can swim and I can tan.  I've been feeling like I'm getting a little pale =)  3 more days til 311!  Words cannot possibly even begin to describe how excited I am for this.  I haven't seen them since December, this is killing me!  I should be used to it though, I go through it every year.  If you haven't heard them or heard of them, here is a song off their newest album that was released last year.  I'm so obsessed with this song!  And since it's July I thought it was fitting.

They are such an awesome band to see live.  I have yet to see any live act that can top them.  And they're not fancy.  They don't use crazy pyrotechnics or have back up dancers.  It's just them and their fans out in the crowd and the energy is just so intense.  I leave every show bruised, sore, deaf, and voiceless but it is always worth it.  They've toned it down a lot, in the beginning they used a lot of 4 letter words, my mom always used to hate that.  But then I told her to look past the language they were using and listen to what they were saying.  Their whole message is "Stay positive and love your life."  How can you not love that?

Sorry, I can go on and on about 311 FOREVER in case you hadn't noticed!  In high school I took a public speaking class and we had to do a 20 minute speech.  It could be on anything.  Well, clearly I can talk about 311 for more than 20 minutes so that's what I picked.  Not to brag or anything, but I did get an A =)

Hopefully at least some of you made it through all that!  I'm going to try and not dwell on my stalled progress today.  I don't even really want to say that my progress has stalled.  My abs are becoming more and more defined (who wouldn't love that?) even though I still hae the pooch.  My triceps I've just noticed are a lot less jiggly than they have ever been, so that's good right?  And I'm actually eating vegetables every day!  That is something I never thought would happen, lol.  See?  Look at that, I listened to some 311 and my whole attitude changed! ;)  Okay, okay I'll stop now.  Still not going to the gym today though, I'll do a FE cardio workout here at home.  Happy Tuesday!

Monday Monday

I made it to the gym yesterday.  I put in 20 minutes on the treadmill and 40 minutes of the kickboxing class.  I would have stayed for the whole thing, but I was a little pressed for time.  I didn't see Stacy, but she's supposed to be teaching step this morning, so I am going to talk to her today.

After the gym, I picked up the kids and headed to my dad's.  I had 2 fat free hot dogs, one on a bun, and a 1/2 serving of chips.  My dad also bought Jello sugar free Temptations, so I had one of those.  Dinner at my mom's almost killed me.  She made grilled chicken (I had one serving, mine was marinated in buffalo sauce), green beans in some kind of sauce (it had 1 tbsp butter, 1 tbsp Splenda brown sugar blend and some Magi), potato salad, deviled eggs, and corn on the cob.  I only had the chicken and green beans.  Even though there was barely any sugar or butter, I still counted it as 1 PP.  Oh, and I had one of those Mott's single serving applesauces.  My mom eats a little on the late side, so I did have a diet soda to make me feel not so starving.  I'm a little bloated today because of it, I can tell.

So the plan for today is to go to the gym.  Even though I really don't feel like doing anything.  Truthfully I'd like to go back to bed.  After that I really have no idea what I'm going to do.  It's supposed to be rainy and nasty out (again) so I have to find something to entertain the kids.  I might just do McDonald's so they can run around the PlayPlace for a bit.

I did up my Points yesterday, I ate 28 out of the 29, and according to My Fitness Pal, I managed 1200 calories.  So that's good.  We'll see if this works!  And for my daily update here, no TOM.  We are now a full week late.  I'm having some cramps this morning but I'm not sure if that's a signal it's coming or if I have to go to the bathroom.  I know, we're crossing the sharing line a little there, but I've seen some of you other bloggers talk about it, so I'm going to talk about it.  Not in detail, I've shared about as much as I care to.  So that's it.  Hope you enjoyed your weekend!

Walking Out

I had a great time at breakfast with my mom.  We went to Ihop and I got the Simple & Fit 2x2x2.  I ate every last bite.  It's 10 PP, but I counted it as 11 because I had some sugar free syrup on my pancakes.  From there I headed over to the gym where I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, some strength training and then step class.

Can I just say how in love with step I am?  I have always loved it.  In my 15 year on again off again relationship with the gym, I have never missed a step class while having a gym membership.  Never.  Well once, but that was last week when I had that birthday party.  Okay so ONE time.  You still get the idea of just how much I love step.  Well yesterday was pretty interesting.  There was this guy who set up directly in front of me.  He had to be mid 40's if I had a guess and he was in pretty good shape.  His leg muscles were sick.  His upper body was okay, but it;s obvious he's more into cardio than strength training, which is totally fine.  Whatever works for you.  Anyway he was in this gray sleeveless shirt that was tucked in which I think may have actually been a leotard, and these really tight high waisted short shorts.  I am seriously cringing at the thought of this right now.  Here is why I say I think he may have been wearing a leo.  From the back, it totally looked like he was wearing a thong, like I could see the outline of the top.  That is how tight this man's shorts were.  Also, they gave me a very good picture of what he is, um, working with shall we say.  And he was a hairy mother effer.  I really try not to judge people at the gym, I don't.  I know what it's like to be the fat person in the gym.  I know what it's like to be the fat person anywhere really.  And so when I see heavier people at the gym I think "Good for them.  That is some one who is trying to make a change."  And I applaud tiny shorts man on his commitment to fitness, but there are just certain things that should not be worn by men in public whether you're 150 lbs or 500 lbs, DON'T EVER WEAR THIS OUTFIT.

Anyway, we're doing the class and as usual I'm going balls to the wall as far as intensity goes.  Stacy stops us for a water break and to check out pulse.  I'm doing good, 150bpm, I should be between 140 and 160 (that's what Stacy told me during our session).  So I keep on rocking.  40 minutes into the class we stop again, check our pulse.  I'm in the 170's now and actually feel a little dizzy.  This NEVER happens.  I grab my water, walk out of class and go to the bathroom.  I splash some water on my face and try to calm down.  I head back into class and pick up where I left off.  She's teaching us the last combo.  I do it but at a very light intensity.  I really want to finish.  After about 5 more minutes, I just can't do it.  I feel very light headed.  So I put my stuff away and I left. 

While I'm upset that I didn't finish the class, I think I made the right decision.  I have no clue why my heart rate was up so high, I didn't feel like I was pushing that much.  And I felt fine while I was doing the combos and stuff.  I don't know, it was weird.  I'm going to cardio kickbox today.  Stacy doesn't teach it, but I'm hoping I see her so I can tell her what happened yesterday and kind of get her take on it.

I signed up for My Fitness Pal last night, and I think I have finally figured out why I've stalled.  While I've been eating 26 PP every day, that only comes out to 1,080 calories!  I have basically been put on a 1000 calorie a day diet and that's put my body into starvation mode.  So yesterday, after finding this out, I've decided to up my Points back to 29 and see how I do with that.  I really can't believe I've been eating that little.  I don't eat a lot of "free" foods which I think is the problem.  Most normal people are eating fruits and extra veggies and that can be enough to push them to the 1200 calorie mark.  I don't do that.  So hopefully this week I'll get that loss I've been looking for!   Oh, and TOM, still a no show!  What goes on here?

Well I have to go get ready for the gym, then I'm picking up the kids from P's house and heading to my dad's for lunch and then we're having dinner at my mom's.  Busy busy day!

Night Out, Confidence Booster & 311

I had 13 Points left of my dailies before I headed out last night.  I had 2 beers, the chicken quesadillas (didn't eat the rice or the beans), and a handful of chips with their salsa.  I think I way overestimated on the quesadillas but I would rather do that than underestimate and end up eating more this week than I should.  Then we went to Dairy Queen.  I got the snack size Oreo cheesequake blizzard, 10 PP.  Althogether I used 28 weeklies last night.  Not bad.  I did much more damage that night at Applebees with Big Mama T.  All in all I had a great night.

I made it to Zumba yesterday.  I don't feel like I got a workout in.  Not a fan, I will stick to my step classes and doing Zumba at home on the Wii.  But at least I tried it.  I'm going out to breakfast with my mom in a little bit, I want to talk her into Ihop since I know what I can get there and the calculations.  Hopefully we'll be done in time for me to make it to step.  If not, I have to hit the gym anyway and start burning some of this off! 

After that I'm going to head into work, I need to start making some serious bank!  311 just anounced their 2013 cruise and they said they will NOT be doing another one in 2014.  I was on the first one back in 2011, but had to miss this year.  I HAVE TO GO.  I don't even remember if I already blogged about this yesterday, but oh well I'm probably going to continue writing about it, so get used to it!  Lol.

Oh, and lastly, my brother totally made my day yesterday.  He texted me and said that he was talking to his boy at work, and somehow it came out that Alex (my brother) has a sister.  So the guy was asking him about me, like how old I am and stuff.  So then he asks if Alex has a picture of me, so Al pulls up the pic of me in the black tank and pink shorts (which I posted on here somewhere) and the guy says "Hook me up!"  Wow, that just made me feel good.  It was a nice compiment.  So that's it for today, hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!

Official WI 7/19 & NSV's

Last night at WW I was (drumroll please) 124.8.  Yay!  I weighed myself right before I went and there is a .4 lb difference betwee my scale and the WW scale.  This morning (we all know I had to do this) I was 124.4 at home which would make me 124.0 at WW!  I am honestly going to put my scale away this week, I am done driving myself crazy.  I really want the rest of this weight to come off, but at the same time I am pretty happy at the job I have done maintaining.  I even gave into a craving yesterday BEFORE WI! 

I really really wanted a donut so I drove to Dunkin and bought an Oreo crumble AND a double chocolate.  Normally I would have devoured both of them but instead I ripped them into quarters and only had 1/4 of each, so I had 1/2 donut total.  I split the rest between my daughter, my friend, and her son.  That would be NSV #1 for the day.  1/2 of a donut, I really never thought I'd see the day!

NSV #2 would be that I didn't go hardcore on the binging like usual after WI last night.  I used 8 weeklies and still had 11 left I could have used.  I don't like the way I feel after a binge, I really hate that nasty gross bloated feeling.  No bueno.

And finally NSV #3.  I had to put on actual pants to go to Dunkin, I was just lounging around yesterday but if I'm going somewhere I have to get dressed.  Well my favorite pair of jeans (the size 3's) I'm saving for tonight because I'm going to dinner with some friends (P is getting the kids this afternoon) so I didn't want to wear those.  And I really just refue to wear sizes that are bigger (except for my 2 pairs of shorts because I don't own anything smaller yet) so I grabbed another old pair of jeans from my closet.  Well, they're not that old, I've had them about 3 years.  ANYWAY I put them on and they fit.  Not gonna lie, they're a little snug, I do have a little muffin top, but I didn't have to lay down or do any fancy wiggling to get them on.  SIZE ONE.  Yeah, that's right size mother effing ONE.  And then I went and got donuts, because that's perfectly logical lol.   I didn't think I could fit into 1's weighing 125.  The good thing about that is that it means even though I weigh more than I did the last time those pants fit, my body is leaner and more muscular, which is fantastic!

I didn't make it to yoga yesterday, youtube wouldn't work for me to do it at home, so I did FE's C4C.  Since I'm going out tonight I will be hitting the gym this morning.  Have a great Friday!!

Arg

Unfortunately I did not make it to Zumba yesterday.  Boo.  So I made yesterday a rest day.  In hindsight I probably should have done something, but it was so hot!  I really just did not want to do a damn thing.  Today I will be getting my yoga on.  Still debating on whether or not I'm going to do that at the gym or save the gas and do it at home.  Either way it will be happening.

I ended up having a bagel yesterday at like 8:30 in the morning.  Never again.  I felt like my entire day was off eating wise after that.  Not to mention that I made dinner at 4, which is super early even for us, due to the storms.  I wanted to make sure we had at least eaten in case we lost power (which thankfully we didn't), so by 7 I was starving but had already gone over my Points by 3.  I toughed it out and went to bed at 9.  If I had stayed up til 10 I certainly would have made a trip to the kitchen.  I wasn't bored, okay well I was, but I was legit hungry as my stomach was rumbling.

TOM is still MIA.  Should have been here 2 days ago, and on Saturday I was certain it was coming.  WTF, where are you?  No, I'm not pregnant, unless of course it's by immaculate conception or something.  I hate it when it just doesn't come without any kind of reason.  I haven't really been overly stressed, I'm not underweight, my weight hasn't made any drastic changes, so what the hell?  I would REALLY like to be 120 by next week and if it doesn't show, that's just not going to happen.  What's the big deal about next week you ask?  That's when I'm going to see 311!!  Yup, Friday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday again.  It's not enough, I want more, but my bank account isn't letting me. =(  And I want to be down because dinner's will be out and there will be some alcohol consumption, so I don't want to be back up to 130.  That would really just be frustrating.  I like having some wiggle room. 

Scale reading this morning : 125.4.  I'm hoping that's just because of the hard core strength training that happened Tuesday at the BBG's class, which I am still pretty sore from.  Alright, well I'm going to wrap this up for today.  Have a great one! 

Dead Lifts & Dead Arms

I made it to the gym yesterday even though I really just was not feeling it.  I took a class called Bogy By Golds, and it's a total body strengthening/toning class.  Note to self, when taking BBG, show up early, it fills up quick!  There was barely enough space for me all the way in the back.  I needed 2 sets of dumb bells and a barbell.  Um, wow.  If I thought my arms hurt after cardio kickbox last week, I obviously had no idea what was going to happen after BBG!  Ouchies!  By the end of it, my legs were so tired that I completely skipped the cardio, couldn't do it.  I am going to try and make it to Zumba this morning, but I have an appointment at 10, so I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to.  I hope I can, I've been dying to try it!

Yesterday ended up being a really great day overall.  I got all my work done, my workout in, took the kids swimming at our friend's for about 2 hours while I laid out and worked on my tan, then went to see Ice Age.  It was okay, I was really expecting it to be better, the previews had me all excited.  The others were a lot better, they need to stop now.  The kids had fun though which is what's important. 

I hopped on the scale this morning (so much for me NOT doing that this week, huh?), and 124.4!  I hope I can keep this up.  Although I was thinking this morning, I really haven't done that bad.  if you think about it, I have pretty much maintained my weight for an entire month!  I should feel pretty accomplished.  So that's all I got for you for now, happy Wednesday!

Small Victories

Okay, so we all know about trigger foods.  Those items that you really just can't be around because it will result in some sort of downward spiral.  And they are different for everyone.  Carbs (specifically bagels, biscuits, and a nice fresh loaf of Italian bread) and certain sweets are definately mine.  I could eat bagels by the dozen (no seriously) and devour entire loaves of Italian bread.  I don't buy Italian bread anymore, and I just buy Lenders bagels.  Totally not the same as bagel shop bagels.  Lenders will satisfy my craving without having me go for more.  Then there's sweets.  Ice cream I'm fine with, I have it every day and am able to use portion control. I love cookies, but I can stop.  Cake I have a problem with, and probably my worst trigger of all is brownies. 

I freaking love brownies.  Especially with some icing on them.  I think I may have mentioned how I used to eat an entire tray in one sitting.  So this weekend my mom went to the store and bought two of the store made brownies with icing.  She figured the kids could split one for dessert (they're huge) and I could have the other one.  Instead of me eating it, I brought it home figuring the kids could split that one too.  But they didn't.  They haven't wanted it.  So it has been sitting in a Ziplock on my table.  And last night I was laying in bed and all I could think about was that brownie.  About how good it probably tasted.  I wanted it so bad.  So I was trying to remember 2 weeks ago when I wanted that cheesy bread and I ate it and how awful I felt afterwards.  I knew that would happen with the brownie.  But brownies are sooooo good.  And I haven't had like a real brownie in months.  Maybe I could just have half?  Who am I kidding?  HALF of a brownie?  That's like telling an alcoholic they can only have HALF a beer.  How well would that work?

I cannot even tell you how long I laid in bed and went back and forth in my head over this stupid brownie.  Inner turmoil.  Complete inner turmoil.  It was horrible.  And why?  It's just a brownie.  Why is it causing me such aggravation?  Because I love food.  Because even after all this time I still haven't really changed.  I think about food all the time.  All that wonderful food I don't allow myself to have.  Well, I let myself have some of it sometimes.  Like the time I went out with Big Mama T or my mom's Memorial Day spread.  But for the most part I don't eat a lot of the things I really really want to eat.  Like boneless wings, an entire Pizza Hut pizza, McDonald's bacon egg & cheese biscuits, and of course, brownies. 

It is very hard to find the middle ground between not depriving yourself so that these changes you have been making are permenant so you don't go back to the way you were and not allowing yourself to go completely overboard.  I think this is probably the biggest challenge for all of us on this journey.  So what do you suppose I ended up doing last night?

I got up and went downstairs and into the kitchen.  I took the brownie out of the bag and I smushed it up, threw it in the garbage, and grabbed a 100 calorie pack to satisfy my sweet tooth instead.

FMM 7/16

I ended up working out at home yesterday.  I did both C3 Cardio and C4 Cardio, and I only used 1 weekly.  I also pounded water like a champ.  Today is Step with Stacy, leaving in about an hour, hopeully I will be able to walk tomorrow ;)

Now it’s time for FMM. If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Finish the Sentence

I like… helping people
I don’t like… fruit, I think it's gross
I am…a flirt (all the time.)
I love… my family, friends, and 311 =)
I dream of…winning the lotto, buying a condo in Seaside, a $10mil mansion in LBI, completely redoing my house I currently live in and taking my kids to see the world.
I wonder…what life will be like a year from now.
I know… I am stronger than I think
I went…back to work. I hate working but I love getting a paycheck every week.  Can't they just pay me for looking pretty and lounging by the pool? ;)
I have…good intentions.
I think…that I really won't ever find what I'm looking for
I plan…to go back to school and finish what I started
I regret...Nothing.  Everything that has happened to me has helped make me who I am.  If I hadn't had those experiences, I would be some one different.  I have it tattooed on me.

I do…what I want and what I think is right
I drink…when I don't have the kids, and I def go harder than I should.
I wish…I could find some one who takes me seriously, doesn't waste me time, and who sees me as more than a booty buddy =(
I am…much wiser than I was 7 years ago
I am not…happy with my body, yet, but I'm working on it.
I need…to focus on what's really important
I hope…that I can start making moves and stop just dreaming about it
I want…to go down the shore!  Like right now =)
I sometimes…forget things
I always….put other people before me
I can…make the best lasagna you have ever tasted
I cannot…???  Yeah Idk on this one
I will… Continue to try and makes things better
Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back here and link up in the comments. Happy Monday, Friends!

Quickie

I went out last night.  22 WP's used.  Whatever.  Jumped on the scale this morning (I couldn't resist, I'm sorry!) and I'm only up .2.  I did do CA yesterday as soon as I finished blogging.  I half assed it, I admit it.  But only because my tattoo freaking killed!  Every time I make a sudden movement it hurts.  Like when I got my belly button pierced.  I really don't think things through, do I?  Lol.  I also did some strength training.  I worked biceps, triceps, shoulders, and back.  Since I've been doing all this weigt training, I've noticed that the veins in my arms (and especially my hands) have been popping, kind of like a guy's do.  Is that weird?  I'm really hoping to make it to the gym this morning for cardio kickbox, but my mom needs me to do some stuff for her.  I should know in about an hour if I'm working out at home or if I can make it to the gym. 

We had a great time at the birthday party yesterday, I ate before hand so I wouldn't be tempted by the pizza.  Although, I did eat my friend's crust, but I counted it!  I was so snacky yesterday.  I didn't even blow all those WP's on going out.  I only used 6, the rest I ate when I got home last night!  TOM is on its way which explains it, but I should know better than to just start giving in to cravings.  It's okay, I didn't do that much damage and today is a new day.

I know we need the rain, but I'm a little upset that this is going to be the second day in a row I haven't been out in the sun at all.  I'm actually worried that I'm getting pale!  I knew people said they were addicted to tanning, but I didn't really think that applied unless you were hitting up the tanning beds.  I just go outside, and I'm only ou 20 or 30 minutes max without sunscreen because I don't want to burn.  I seriously think I might be addicted to tanning though.  I am constantly looking in the mirror assessing my color.  Crap.  Oh well,  I'm going to wrap this up, happy Sunday!

NSV's, New Ink, & A Request

I went to the gym yesterday morning and put in 20 minutes on the arc trainer, 10 on the treadmill and then I did weight lifting for my lower body.  I was pretty happy with that although in the afternoon I decided to get in some core work.  I did 180 crunches (regular, reverse, oblique you name it!) plus 10 sit ups and a plank.  Then for the hell of it I threw in 50 jumping jacks.  I don't even know why, lol.  I also stayed within my 26 PP, that felt really good.  Especially since last night was movie night with my kids and we ended up watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory.  You know, the good one, the original from the 70's.  Not the crazy new one I've never even seen the whole way through.  Normally when I watch that movie I get the chocolate cravings BIG time and eat an insane amount of sweets during the course of it.  But I didn't last night.  I sat through the whole thing and didn't get up for so much as a bite of something!  And another big NSV for me here, I actually ate 3 whole servings of veggies!  Wow!  Lol.  It's paying off, hopped on the scale this morning. 125.4.  So on the WW scale I would be 124.9!  Going in the right direction again!  I am going to try and lay off the scale for a few days, no promises though. ;)

I was a big brave girl, I did it.  I got my tattoo!  It didn't hurt as much as I had thought it would, but it still hurt a lot more than my other 2.  I really like the artist that did it (he did my last one), he was so good and understanding and QUICK!  Originally I had been told it would take an hour.  I was out in 30 minutes once he started!  Here it is, and yes I am sucking my stomach in as far as it will go in this pic!  I WISH I looked like that!

It's a little on the tender side, but I shall surivive!  I really didn't think this out too well though, this is going to seriously mess with me laying out getting my tan on.  I know I don't really show my stomach anyway, but the fact that it is so much whiter than the rest of me drives me nuts!

I am sorry to say I will not be going to the gym this morning.  I am going to do a work out at home, right now I'm leaning towards BBL's CA.  By the time I'm done here I should be ready to roll with that.  We have a birthday party for one of my daughter's friends from dance class to go to and it starts at 10.  The class I wanted to take today at the gym starts at 10, so yeah, not going to work!

I really need to start writing drafts for this because I had a whole bunch of stuff in my head last night that I wanted to write about and now I can't remember.  Oh well, it will come back to me.  I think, lol.  Oh and I know a lot of you are into the green monster smoothies.  I know I could look up recipes online, but I would like to know how YOU make yours.  I think I want to give them a shot!  So if you make those, if you would be willing to share, what you put in yours, how much, and (if you can) estimate the calorie count I would really really appreciate it.  Enjoy your Saturday everyone!

Official WI, My Time With Stacy, & An Appointment

125.4, so up 1 lb.  It's okay, I can bounce back from this.  Not the end of the world, right?  So it was so good to work with Stacy again.  I met her when I was 13 at a different gym.  My mom had signed both of us up.  I could only take classes until I was 15 or 16 or something like that, but that was fine.  I was never really into weights back then.  I fell in love with taking the classes.  My favorite instructors were Jean, Doug, and of course Stacy.  I never missed one of her classes, ever. 

When I got old enough to be able to use the weight room, I requested her as my trainer.  I don't know what it is, but there is just something about her that I really liked.  I never felt like she was judging me because of my weight, she took the time to really go over everything with me to make sure I got it and she was always available to answer my questions.  I am thinking that's what all trainers should be like, but maybe it's just her demeanor or something.  She has seen me yo yo back and forth through the years, and it's always a little embarrassing (for me) when I see her if I had let myself go.

Anyway, the last time I saw her was years ago (I was thin at the time) and we talked, I had run into her some place random like the store or something.  She said she no longer worked at the old gym, but at this new place (which is on the same road as the old place, we have like a million gyms in this freaking town!) and that if I decided I wanted to go back to the gym to come see her.  I was working out at home at the time (because I was a college kid and broke as it was without adding the expense of a gym). 

So I get to the gym yesterday and drop off the kids only to see a sign that yoga was cancelled for the day.  Well crap, I'm already here and I only have an hour til I have to meet Stacy, it would be stupid to go home.  So I decide to take Stacy's class instead.  Step interval which apparently is step and strength training.  I had never taken it, but I really liked it, it was fun.  After class Stacy and I were walking to her desk so I could fill out paperwork and we could discuss my goals and she gave me the biggest compliment ever!  Keep in mind, I have already taken 3 classes with her at this point.  So she says, "I've been watching you in the classes you've been taking, and you just jumped right back in.  I'm impressed, it looks like you've been able to keep your fitness level up, it's like you never left."  Woah, wow!  Really?  I then informed her that I'm not quite where I used to be since after taking her step class on Monday I was unable to walk for 2 days, lol!  I don't know, but for a trainer, a fitness professional to say that I am doing that well even though I haven't set foot in a gym in about 6 years is just incredible to me, and it made me feel really good!  We went over what I wanted to get out of this, she showed me some of the machines, I got a little weight training session in and we touched on nutrition. 

I am super excited to hit the gym today although I won't be able to take a class because I have a very important appointment at 11 which totally messes with my plan I had laid out originally.  Yes, today is finally the day!  Tattoo time!  I know, I know, I just got one but f*ck it, I'm getting another.  I am really really enjoying my new found freedom.  Ever since my relationship ended, it's like this weight has lifted.  I feel like a bird who was help in captivity and some one accidently forgot to close my cage all the way and now I'm out.  I know that sounds incredibly stupid, but you guys have no clue what the last 7 years of my life had been like.  I literally felt like a prisoner. and I was to a certain extent.  But I don't have to answer to anyone anymore.  I can go where ever I want whenever I want.  I can hang out with who I want.  I spent what should have been the best years of my life being caged up like an animal.  I want to take my life back before I'm too old and that is exactly what I am doing.  I mean, I have the kids so I can't go bananas, I can keep myself in check. 

I know a lot of you can probably at least kind of relate to what I'm saying  You've been held prisoner too, but not by a spouse/signifigant other, but by yourselves.  By your weight.  And I've been there too, you can see that from my pictures.  Maybe not to the extent that some of you have, but enough where I couldn't wear what I wanted to wear, enough where I didn't want to go out (with the family to dinner or whatever which is the only time I was "allowed" out) because I was embarrassed of how I looked.  But now, now I am free from him, I am free from my weight, I am just free.  And so I want to live it up.  I have paid my dues, I have earned every tattoo, every piercing, every date, everything.  I earned it.  And as long as my kids are taken care of first, as long as my bills are paid and there is food on the table, as long as I don't neglect my kids (which as you can see from my pictures and read about here all the fun stuff we do clearly I don't) then f*ck it.  I'm going to do what I want.  I'm not old, but I'm not getting any younger.  I do not want to waste anymore time, anymore of my life.  And I won't.  I'm ready to start living.

Going to be Brave & Mini Rant

So I used 5 of my weeklies yesterday, not too bad.  I can forgive myself.  Today is official WI day.  I weighed this morning, back to 126!  I know I used some of my weeklies, but I still have like 18 left, and I may have taken 2 days of from working out, but out of the last 7 days I still exercised 5 of them and I went harder than I normally do.  I've been drinking my water.  I am going to go and get an "official" WI later and see what happens.  Hopefully it's not that bad.  I have my first session with Stacy today at 11, I am super excited for that!  I cannot wait for her to come up with a plan to work on these legs of mine.  They are a real problem for me this time around.  And my butt.  And my lower abs.  Geez, I'm really not happy with anything!  I've decided though that I am going to be brave and do something totally crazy.  Ready?

I am well aware that my mirror is dirty.  I guess I don't look as bad from the front as I had thought, but the top of my shorts are covering the worst part.  It gets really saggy and gross just below where they're sitting.  These were taken last week when I was 124.4.  I looked in the mirror today and I can see the difference between last week and this week.  Sigh.  I kind of feel like I'm nit picking at this point, but it really bothers me.   And for the record, I did not post these because I'm looking for people to tell me that I look fine, or I'm being rediculous or anything like that.  I mean, if you WANT to say that, I'm not going to stop you, lol!  But I posted them because this blog is about honesty.  This is me, this is what I look like, this is where ALL THAT FREAKING AB WORK has gotten me.  I am at a point where I honestly believe that it's really just not going to get any better.  Sure, I can (and WILL) lose more weight, but my middle will still pretty much look like that. 

This is kind of going back to this post I wrote recently about accepting my body for what it is.  I am also wondering if my insecurities about how I look are ever going to go away.  I am constantly comparing mysef to this girl and that girl, and why can't I look like her, why not this, why not that.  I don't know why being me just isn't good enough.   I tell my kids that they should just be themsevles, not everyone is going to like them and that's okay.  Not everyone has to like you, but you should never change just so you can meet some one else's expectations or standards.  Well, okay, they're 6 and 4 so I don't say it like THAT, but you get my point.  Why can't I take my own advice?  Why am I not capable of being like "You know what?  This is me, love it, hate it, I do not give a f*ck!"?  Okay, are you guys sick of my bitching yet?                                                                                                           

In other news, I wrote a post last night that I was going to post today, and I'm not really sure what is stopping me.  A friend posted a link on Facebook to an article about a website that calls itself "pro-skinny" but people are saying it's pro-ana and apparently they called Kate Upton fat which is what sparked the whole article.  So I read the article, then I went to the site.  I really don't know what to make of it.  The women on there seem to really push the fact that they promote "healthy" weight loss, even though many of them are or are striving to be 20+lbs UNDERweight.  In their defense though, I did see a post on the forum where one girl was purging and they all told her not to and to go seek help offline.  Anyway, the article and the site just kind of set something off in my brain and I wrote this whole big post about it.  I think part of the reason I'm letting it sit in my drafts is because it makes me feel like a hypocrite.  I want these girls to be healthy and if they get the green light from their doctor's, then keep doing what they're doing.  Again I myself seem to not be taking my own advice.  I don't over indugle in exercise, I don't severely restrict my caloric intake, but I don't just inhale stuff either.  BUT I still eat crap and a lot of processed stuff.  So how can I sit here and say that I'm healthier than these women, that I don't even know, just because I am in what is considered a healthy weight/bmi range?

Alright, well I suppose I should go do stuff like work or chores or something.  You know, be productive.  If any of you actually took the time to read all that, you deserve some kind of prize, lol.  I know it was long today guys, but obviously I had a lot to say!

Can't Move & Some Pics

Well, okay, I CAN move, but not very fast and not very well.  My arms and legs are STILL killing me.  My legs especially.  So I did not go to the gym (or workout at home for that matter) yesterday, but I did take the kids to the park and I walked behind them on their bikes around the track about 3 times, so that was good.  I was really looking forward to Zumba today, but I just don't think that's going to happen.  I don't ever remember being this sore after a step class!  How can my body really not be used to working out by now???  I didn't use any weeklies yesterday so that was good.  I hopped on the scale this morning.  125.6, which is better than then 126 I was yesterday, but still.  I know, I know, I shouldn't weigh every day.  It's a nasty habit.

All in all though yesterday was a good day.  I grabbed myself a DD smalled iced caramel mocha, took the kids to the park for about an hour and a half, came home and had lunch, then went to our friend's house so the kids could swim and I could tan.  The kids were in the pool for about an hour then decided they wanted to jump on the trampoline.  After that we all came back to my house and we let the kids watch a movie before heading to my other friend's house so they could feed and pet the animals.  They had such a great time!

The first photo is my daughter and my friend's son (the one that has the pool), and the second photo is my son.  The guy is my friend that has the farm.  I've known him forever, he lives around the corner from me.  We actually went to elementary school together, but he is 3 years older than I am.  Really cool guy though.                                                                                                                                       

I am going to try and get some exercise in today, even if it's just walking.  I feel like I really really need to do something, but again, I don't want to injure myself.  Plus I need to feel better by tomorrow because I have my training session with Stacy.  My biggest problem areas are my stomach (which reminds me, if nothing else I'm doing abs today!) and my legs/butt.  My legs are what hurts the most right now, so I really need for them to be okay for tomorrow so I can do the machines.  So that's about it for now.  I need to get moving here.  We have a play date with one of my daughter's friends from dance class at the park this morning and we'r packing ood so we can have like a picnic lunch kind of thing.  Happy Hump Day!                                                                                                          

Special Guest & A Little Discouraged

So apparently going to the gym requires a whole different level of fitness than working out at home.  As I have said, I have been working out consistently since November.  I can hang with Jillian, I can take on The Firm, and while I still have "problem areas", I consider myself in decent shape.  Well I would like to thank Gym for proving me wrong.  With 3 days and 2 classes under my belt, I can barely move.  Which really really sucks because I want so badly to go today, but I don't want to hurt myself.  Even more depressing is that the scale is reading 126.  I was just 124.4, where the hell did this 1.6 lbs come from?  I know I went out to eat twice, but I made fairly good choices and only had to use my weeklies for Saturday's excursion.  Last night I stayed within my daily points.  I know I had that mini binge Thursday, but 440 calories does not equal 1.6 lbs.  I'm trying to tell myself the usual "Fluid in the muscles, TOM is due in about 6 days" but it's stil aggravating.  I mean, I'm going to the gym and putting in the hardest workouts I have done in YEARS and I'm GAINING weight??  Arrgg.

In happier news, my best friend from college came to see me yesterday!  I haven't seen him in almost two years, I was so excited he made the 2 hour trek to come hang out!  He's moving to Florida which makes me so sad because I already don't see him that much, and now I feel like I will NEVER see him.  But he needs to do what is going to make him happy, and I wish him all the best.  The kids absolutely LOVED him, not that I'm surprised because is just oh so lovable!  We went to the park and let the kids put their feet in the river while we hung out and caught up.  Then we went to Applebees.  Again I got the 7oz house sirloin with broccoli.  He also ordered the spinach dip appetizer.  I had 3 chips and maybe a tablespoon of the dip.  I ate 3/4 of my steak, all my broccoli, and brought the potatoes home for the pooch.  See?  I didn't do bad at all!  It was such a short visit, he stopped by on his way to go get some stuff out of storage in NYC.  I wish he could hae stayed, but I will take any time I can get with him.  He is truly one of my very best friends AND the only friend I made at Utica that I have stayed in touch with.

Isn't he a doll?

  

FMM 7/9

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Summertime

1. What is your favorite thing about Summer? EVERYTHING!!  The shore, the lake, amusement parks, swimming, tanning, being outside, bbq's, the list goes on.....
2. What is your favorite outdoor activity? Does taking a nap poolside count?
3. If you had to choose, would you prefer to be too hot or too cold? Too cold, there is no limit to the amount of layers you can put on, but if you're too hot, once you're naked there's not much else you can do and then you're screwed.
4. Does your appetite increase or decrease during warmer months? I don't really know.  I think I tend to consume more calories in the summer, but that's only because I drink more beer between Memorial Day & Labor Day than I do the whole rest of the year combined.
5. What is your favorite seasonal Summer fruit? Sam Adams Summer Ale? Just kidding, we all know I'm a Miller Lite girl & that's year round ;)  Umm, not a big fruit person but I look forward to the corn from a local farm every year.  It is sooooo good!
6. Would you prefer to spend a hot summer day at the mall or at a swimming pool? Depends on my mood really, although I think I would say pool since I can go to the mall whenever.  Actually I would rather be at Seaside
7. Are you more likely to tan or sunburn? Usually sun burn, but I've been tanning really well this year
8. How does your routine change when Summer begins? I don't have to worry about getting the kids off to school or sports, we're just free to do our own stuff
9. What is the temperature outside where you are today? No clue
10. What is your favorite Summer holiday? Um, every day during summer is a holiday!
Now it’s your turn. Don’t forget to post the answers on your own blog, then come back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday, Friends!

WTF Was I Thinking

I think I need to realize that just because I have been active for the last 7 or 8 months does NOT mean that I can go balls to the wall when taking my first class at the gym.  Especially not when that class is cardio kickboxing.  20 minutes in I started losing steam because I had been going so hard on my punches.  Now my arms literally feel like they will fall off.  And that's not all I did, oh no.

I got there at about 8:30, class didn't start until 9.  So I hopped on the treadmill for 5 minutes, got a nice little wak in.  Then I did 30 push ups (without stopping or going to my knees!), then did some bicep curls and shoulder presses (with 10's!), then I went and played basketball or 15 minutes or so.  Just shooting hoops, screwing around killing time.  I actually made 8 out of my first 12 shots!  It was all downhill after that though, lol.  I would still sink some but I missed most of the shots I took after I stopped counting.  I'm very proud of myself, I got in a good hour and a half.  Now I kind of want to pass out though.  Not sure if it's from the workouts or if it's because I didn't go to bed until midnight and yet was still up at 5:30.  Seriously internal clock, can you give me a break PLEASE?  I know I probably went a little overboard today, but I went out to eat last night and used 17 of my weeklies so I felt the need to try and counteract that.

I picked up the class schedule for this week.  Tomorrow I am doig step, Tuesday I'm doing a body toning class, Wednesday is Zumba, Thursday I'm going to try yoga (and meet with my trainer), Friday will be Zumba and abs, Saturday body toning and then step, and Sunday we are back to cardio kickbox.  I realize that this is a 7 day a week workout regimine, but I plan to just do yoga on Thursdays as kind of a relax thing.  This week I do have to meet with Stacy, but after that I plan on using the weight room M W F and also doing a cardio class on those days.  I don't want to really use the weight room yet since I have no clue wtf I'm doing in there.  Dumb bells are one thing, machines are a whole nother animal right there.  And of course all of this is dependant on whether or not I can move in the morning.

Oh and lastly, I took myself to the movies yesterday afternoon, finally saw Magic Mike!  The plot was mediocre, but OMG the men in that movie.  I will be having very sweet dreams for many nights to come....

Back At It

I got these coupons for Gold's Gym in the mail.  No sign up fees, and it's completely free until September!  Sweet!  So of course I went there to sign up.  I ended up getting locked into an 18 month contract, but my first 2 months are free, I didn't have to pay the $99 start up fee, I get a free training session, and instead of $54/mo it's only going to be $46.  That's including tax.  It's more money than I really should be spending, but I'm getting bored.  I'm not happy with my workouts and I feel like running is kind of a cop out.  I spend maybe 20 minutes doing it and that's it.  I come home, do some strength training reps and call it a day.

My other hope is that maybe the gym can help me with my problem areas.  Everything I have tried at home doesn't seem to be working, maybe this can help.  If I am able to get rid of my pooch and reduce the size of my derierre this will be money well spent!  And the gym is soooo nice!  They have this kids area ($4/kid/day or $20 unlimited for the whole month, shit yeah!!) where they do arts and crafts and play games and stuff.  They have a movie theater with treadmills, bikes, stair climbers so you can enjoy a film while you get your sweat on.  They have t.v.'s out in the main gym area but I almost never like what's on there and if there were other people there ahead of you, you don't get to change stations.  I really like the movie thing though, that is wicked awesome.  Then they have a seperate weight/cardio room just for us ladies!  We can work out in the main gym, but if we feel too intimidated or if we don't want the guys checking us out or whatever we can go to our own area.  Plus there restroom/locker room is amazing.  Lockers, toilets, showers, and a sauna!  This is the nicest gym I have ever been in, and I haven't set foot in a gym in about 6 years, so I don't know if all this is kind of standard now but I f*cking love it!

And then of course there's the classes, which were always my personal favorite.  I didn't get to take any today, but I am thinking of going to cardio kickbox tomorrow morning at 9.  And they have Zumba!  So excited to try that.  Plus my old favorite, step aerobics, and I'll get to do yoga and pilates.  There is just so much they have to offer I'm a little overwhelmed.  I did a little stationary biking, and a few minutes on this machine that's kind of like an elliptical but it's better because there's different things you can do with it, I did some strength training, and finished up with a sesh on the treadmill.  In total (except for the weights) I burned 330 calories!  Not bad for my first day back and considering I had NO CLUE what I was supposed to be doing, lol!  My training session is this Thursday, I had a specific trainer in mind and the earliest she could get me in was Thursday.  She used to work at the gym I used to belong to way back when I was a teenager.  I met her when I was 13, I used to take all her classes and she was my trainer back then.  Well now she works over at Gold's, which is another reason why I decided that I was going to go to that gym.  Anyway, since she already knows me and we have a history together, I really wanted her.

So that's it for today, enjoy your Saturday everyone!

WI Results, Tummy Pic, and a Realization

Down 1.2!!  That puts me at 124.4, yay!  I'm getting closer and closer to my goal of 115.  I WILL get there.  Last night was bad though.  I had a mini binge (which normally doesn't bother me, I do this every week), but last night it bothered me.  There were a few reasons.  1) I have no idea how many weeklies or AP's I actually had left after the BBQ last Saturday, the fried Oreos at Seaside, plus the 4th when I went over by some Wheat Thins and the ice cream.  And 2) As I have previously mentioned, I'm having a harder time keeping my eating disorder at bay.  So anyway, I had made some cheesy bread sticks that had come with a DiGiorno pizza I had made last week but left the bread in the freezer.  I made all 8, but automatically gave 4 of them to my dog.  So I only had 4 (which is still 440 calories!).  Then I felt all kinds of gross and started working out like a maniac in my bedroom.  I hopped on the scale this morning and I'm only up .2, so I don't feel quite as horrible.  But still I hate that I caved last night and I hate how I reacted.  Not good.

Today is a new day though.  I just need to breathe, re-focus, and get back to it.  I had my Cheerios and coffee, I did SIWW and 5 min of BBL's TT to work my abs.  I also went for a (short) run, get in some more cardio.  Can't hurt.  Especially since I need to try and melt away some of my fat covering my 6 pack. =)  And yes Kelly I do have belly jiggle still

Totally not brave enough to take a front pic, though I did try.  It wasn't pretty, so you get a side view.  I'm trying to face the facts that no matter what I do my stomach will always look like that.  Sucks, but what can I do?  When I was a teenager and deep into my anorexia, I had this belief that just because the scale read a certain number, my stomach would be flat.  I kept thinking that if I could just get to 110, I would have a nice tummy.  So I got down to 110 and guess what?  My stomach pretty much looked like it does in the pic I just took 5 minutes ago.  Actually, even though I'm heavier now than I was then and I have had 2 kids, my stomach is in better shape than it was.  So then I thought, well maybe if I get to 105.  Nope.  I got all the way down to 94 lbs and my stomach was still a hot mess.  Granted, I wasn't doing any kind of ab work at the time.  But the point is that I thought that there was some magic number I could reach and my body would all of a sudden look the way I wanted it to. 

What I have learned since then is that that's not true.  I am very honest here about what I do and don't do.  I don't lie about my workouts or what I eat.  So you guys know that I have busted my ass for every pound I have lost, that I have put in the time with weights and crunches to get the body I have.  But it's still not good enough for me.  I'm still not happy.  I don't know if I ever will be.  Why?  Because I don't think I will ever have the stomach or the butt or the thighs I want.  I work for them, I work hard, but no matter what I do I can't seem to get them.  Even 3 years ago when I was 115, my thighs and belly still jiggled.  And I was doing the same workouts I do now.  So anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I need to accept my body for what it is.  So I'll never wear a bikini to the beach and I need to do it with the lights off ;)  No big deal.  I look good (in clothes!) and I feel good, and I need to keep watching what I eat and keep working out so that I can live to 100 and enjoy my great grand babies that I will have some day.  Which is easier said than done, but I'm working on it.

Update 7/5 & a Pic

So I did not go for my run again today.  I did do the first 4 circuits plus half of the 5th of Jillian's BFBM.  I was DRIPPING in sweat.  It was so gross.  I have WI tonight, a little nervous since I had the BBQ Saturday, and yesterday I ate after I posted.  Yup, I did, not going to lie here.  I had a 2 PP WW ice cream cone, 10 baby carrots, and 16 Wheat Thins.  I stopped myself before I went over board.  I still consumed more than I should have.

After getting in my workout and showering I got some work done, had lunch, then took the kids swimming at my friend's house.  I laid out and worked on my tan some more.  I am getting pretty dark (well here in Jersey I'm still technically pale, but it's dark for me!) and I am loving it!  Now we're home, in the a.c.  It was getting a little too warm out there for me.  I did get myself a DD iced coffee, but I've been very good this year about getting smalls instead of mediums.  Baby steps people, baby steps.  And my 311 tickets for PNC came!!  Hell yeah!  I am BEYOND excited for this.  22 more days til my first show of the summer down in Philly.  I don't want to wish my summer away, but I can't wait for it to get here!

And just 'cause I feel like it, here's my new piercing.

I really didn't think it through before I got it.  Because my tummy is still jiggly, it hurts like mad when I work out.  Also, not too good for laying on my stomach to tan my back.  Oh well.

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!  I decided to be lazy and take the day off from working out.  The kids and I went to my dad's for lunch.  He was making ribs, so I brought a turkey burger for myself with a honey wheat sandwich thin.  I spread some of my step mom's home made guacamole on it. OMG sooooo good!

I also had 8 tostidos, some dipped in the guac, others in her black bean dip (also amazeballs), and some raw broccoli.  I did pretty awesome until I had 2 (yes 2) of those mini brownie things you get at the super market.  They were 130 calories each, yikes!  I figure I ate about 30 PP total today, which is only 1 over what I'm supposed to eat, so really I didn't do horrible.  Except that I haven't had dinner yet.....crap.

Still debating on whether or not we're going to fireworks tonight.  I am really feeling burnt out, and despite actually kind of sleeping in today, I'm exhausted.  We shall see.  Enjoy everyone!