Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Quick Update

So I am very proud of myself for doing so well on my 30DS challenge.  I did not do Zumba today like I had wanted.  Not sure what happened,but I flaked.  I did do 30DS and the kids and I went to the park, so I walked for about 45 minutes while they rode their bikes.  The rest of the time I sat and chatted with this nice woman who was there with her grand daughter.  Anyway, a 45 minute walk was good, and I tried to keep it fairly brisk.   I'm happy with that.  Tomorrow I really want to get my Zumba in.  And another NSV for me today would be only having 1 dessert!  I actually made better choices today than usual.  Usually after lunch I either have a cookie or some hot chocolate (each are worth about 2 Points).  Today I had a glass of o.j. (3points) and a snacksize 94% ff popcorn (3points).  And my baby carrots.  I love baby carrots, even without dressing.  And of course I had my ice cream after dinner.  So that's about it.  I had really wanted to be out of the 160's this week, but due to my night at Applebees I don't forsee that happening.  That's okay, there is always next week. 

Monday, January 30, 2012

Mid Week Check In

Normally now I do FMM, but this week was about make up, and since I don't wear any my answers would be incredibly boring.  So I am just going to do my check in this week.  Friday night my brother came to visit.  I had a teeny tiny little piece of crumb cake evem though I already ate all my Points that day.  Saturday went well except for the part where I went to Applebees.  I saved my Points so I could go and not have to get a WW meal.  I had maybe 3 or 4 boneless wings and I ordered the cheeseburger sliders, but only had 2 1/2 of them and like 5 fries.  That would have been fine had I not come home and had a bagel.  But I stopped there before it spiraled out of control.  Last night I went to Friendly's, but saved my Points, got something I knew the Points values of and so I didn't go over yesterday.  Yay!  I did 30DS on Saturday and was supposed to do it yesterday (remember the whole 3 days then take a day off plan?), but I flaked.  I did do it today along with 45 minutes of medium intensity Zumba.  Which is the whole point.  If you start to fall off track, just pick yourself up and get back on track ASAP.  So yay me for doing that and stopping myself before I went all crazy.  So that's it, hope you all enjoyed your weekend, will check back soon!

Friday, January 27, 2012

A Step in the Right Direction

So as you know (because I posted it yesterday) I want to to 30DS for 3 days, rest 1 day, then 30DS for 3 days.  Normally if I take 1 day off from working out, I will also take 3 or 4.  But I didn't this time!  I did 30DS as planned!  This may seem very minor, but believe me this is huge.  Believe me, it was soooo very tempting to not do it today (especially since I didn't sleep well and it's a crappy day out which makes me even lazier than usual!) but I forced myself to do it.  And in the afternoon too!  Again, if I don't do my workout like 1st thing, it just won't get done.  So that's it, have a great weekend!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Official WI

160.0, down 2.8lbs!  Which is awesome, and I should be thrilled, but honestly I'm pissed I didn't lose that last little .1 to put me out of the 160's.  Oh well, next week, right?  I've been doing really well on my 30DS challenge.  I did take today off though.  I figure I work out 6 days a week, 3 days at a time, take a day off, then do 3 more days.  So I have to fit it in tomorrow, no matter what.  Also, I decided to try and eat a little healthier.  I actually had a spinach salad with baby carrots as my appetizer tonight.  I made sure I rinsed it really well (even though the e.coli outbreak was a few years ago, you can't be too careful), and I really enjoyed it.  I haven't had a spinach salad in forever, I forgot how good it is!  I just can't stomach cooked spinach, it's pretty gross.  So that's my update.  Plugging right along in this weight loss journey of mine. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I thought that maybe it might be a good idea to start doing measurements.  Well putting them here anyway.  Remember I started doing WW on 11/3.  My first measurements I took were on 11/12.  Waist was 44", hips were 47", and my thigh was 26".  That right there makes me ill that my thigh was as big as my hips used to be.  WTF.  Then on 12/20 my waist was 42", hips 42", and thigh 23".  And lastly as of today my waist is 38" (yay out of the 40's!), hips 39 3/4", and I think I did my thigh wrong because it's 23 1/2".  It shouldn't have gone up so I will have to redo.  So that's that.

I did 30 DS again today.  My legs weren't so bad this morning, but I really feel it in my arms and my chest.  But I pushed through.  2 days down, 28 to go!

Also, as a side note, I was looking through my closet last night trying to find a tank top when I came across this.

Can you believe how tiny that is?  That is what I was able to wear the summer I got pregnant.  I need to be able to wear this again. 

Monday, January 23, 2012

30DS, Good Idea or Bad Idea?

Today I decided I was going to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred again.  I haven't done it in a long time.  I made it through okay, although my shoulders felt like they were about to give out.  Tomorrow morning I will be able to tell by how sore I am if I was ready for this or not.  I was getting bored with SIWW, though I love it, but I've done it for like the last 3 weeks now.  It was time for a change.  Ideally (if my body is okay with it) I would like to do the 30DS 5-6 days a week for the next 30 days, changing my level every 10 days. 

I'm trying hard to get back on track.  Today was the 1st day I worked out, since....umm....the last time I blogged that I worked out, lol.  That was what?  Tuesday or Wednesday?  Anyway, I really need to try and stick with the whole exercising thing.  That is something I'm really struggling with this time around.  I've been doing well sticking with my points, and have been trying to incorporate more veggies.  Like today, I got hungry so I had some baby carrots.  That would be a win.  Also, I've been trying to up my water intake. 

I'm finding that I'm starting to lose sight of why I'm doing this in the first place.  Which I could have predicted.  I really wanted to lose weight to be healthy, set a good example for my kids, and to feel better about myself.  I told myself it was going to be a slow process and to focus more on "changing" than "dieting".  However, the more weight I lose, the thinner I get, the more it becomes about losing the weight, the number on the scale, how I look in the mirror.  Once again, this is thanks to the anorexic voices making themselves heard in my head.  That's probably the only thing I don't like about being thin.  That's right, I said it.  There is a down side (for me) to being skinny.  It really becomes an obsession for me, the way I look.  I'm constantly in the mirror critiquing, criticizing, thinking of ways to fix what's "wrong".

My big problem is that I don't like to talk about it.  I'm open about the fact that I used to have an eating disorder.  Well, okay, I guess if you go by how I feel sometimes, techincally I still have one.  But I don't like to talk about how I'm feeling.  Which sucks.  I have this wonderful support system around me, my friends, my parents, but I don't utilize them.  I just hate bothering other people with my problems.  I feel like this is my problem, I'm the one that has to deal with it, and I go it alone.  That's another reason I started this blog.  This gives me an outlet to talk about what I'm going through without feeling like I'm burdening other people with it.  This is my journal, however this is a journal where I can get feedback if people feel so inclined to leave comments which is great.  Just being able to get all my thoughts out really helps.  So thanks to those of you who do read this, and thanks for the comments.  I know there's not many of you, but that's alright.

So that's my vent du jour.  I will try to check in at least once more before WI on Thursday.


If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!
1. Mac or PC?  PC, used to have a Vaio, now have a Gateway.  Love it.
2. Do you paint your own nails? Nope, I get them done when I have $
3.  Beach or Mountains? Beach!  Jersey Girl right here!
4. What's the title of the book you are currently reading? Guilt by John Lescroart
5. Do you dance? I like to dance, but unless I've had a few drinks, I don't do it in front of other people!
6. CNN or Fox News?  Fox, I like to watch Good Day
7. Do you ride a bicycle? No
8. Do you get a yearly flu shot? Sure do
9. Best Movie you've seen in 2012? Haven't seen any yet actually
10. Do you prefer to workout at home or at the gym.  I like both, but have been working out at home as I don't have the funds to join the gym
11. Last airport you were in? Newark International last March
12. Married or Single? Single
13. iPhone or Android? I don't have a smart phone.  I have a samsung and it's a touch screen with a qwerty keyboard which I was uber excited about when I got it in June as I previously had a Casio (which I loved that thing took a beating AND was left in the rain for 2 hours and still worked just fine!) that was an old school flip phone.
14. Do you prefer to take pictures or be in them? Depends really
15. Favorite brand of sneakers? Reebok
16. Do you like snow?  I like it from December til the beginning of February then I'm over it.
17. Do you have/want kids? Have 2 would like more when I find Mr Right some day.....
18. Summer or Winter?  Summer all the way!
19. Do you know how to swim? Yup
20. Do you prefer to shop in store or online?  In store
Now it's your turn!  Pick a question and answer it in the comments, or blog it yourself and link up at All The Weigh!

Friday, January 20, 2012


So obviously I'm pretty happy with last night's results.  The number on the scale is going down, clothes are fitting better, I'm not as winded going up the steps.  All good things.  So why is it when I look in the mirror I don't see any changes?  I've lost nearly 26lbs and I can't see it.  Actually that's not entirely true.  I can see some changes.  Like my shrinking boobs.  Right ladies?  The ONE place you don't want to lose weight.  Frustrating.  My butt is huge, my stomach in gross, and my boobs are disappearing.  They weren't that big to begin with and now they're even smaller.  I guess I was hoping that this would be the time when I would be 115lbs and NOT be a 34A.  Oh well.

Anyway, I am bouncing back today from my all carb diet I was apparently on yesterday.  Yesterday I ha cereal for breakfast, a bagel for lunch, a cookie, and mac & cheese for dinner.  That's right.  Not one piece of meat nor vegetable in sight.  Trying to do better today.  I have to keep reminding myself that it is not just important for me to be thin, I actually need to be healthy.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Drumroll please......

162.8!  Down 3.6lbs!  No idea how I did that.  I had a mini binge if you recall last week, and I only worked out twice.....whatever, not gonna question it!  Super busy, but wanted to just give that quick update!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Some Progress

So this past weekend there was an unexpected turn of events that normally would have led to a binge of epic proportions.  Normally I would have devoured about 5 pb&j's, 1/2 box Chips Ahoy we have in the house, a bagel or 2 with cream cheese and topped it all off with some ice cream.  And that's per day, not for the entire weekend mind you.  That's also on top of breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Just so we're clear.  But I didn't.  I had 1 hot chocolate one night, and a piece of Italian bread (with no calorie butter spray) another.  And one day I had a bagel (but counted it and didn't go over points).  So I think that's good.  I was able to, for the most part, keep my emotional eating in check.  I skipped the workouts, but I did do SIWW today, I am getting back on track and that's important.  Anyway that's it for now, just wanted to stop by and post on my mental progress here.  See you Thursday!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Official WI

Down .6 from last week.  All things considered, that is pretty good. This week I don't have anything going on, so I am going to be extra vigilent and hope I can get a good number next week.  I know, the whole point of WW isn't dieting, it's about life style change.  I will change my lifestyle AFTER I lose this damn weight.  I'm very impatient, this weight needed to be gone like months ago.  So for now I am going to do whatever I have to (within reason, without slipping back to my eating disorder) to get it gone. 

I think so far I am doing really well.  Not just in the weight loss department, but in my attitude.  A few years back I would have (and actually did once or twice) cried if I had "only" lost .6.  Actually I remember one time I lost like 1.2lbs and cried because it wasn't enough.  Also, I am allowing myself to go out and not really worry about what I'm eating and just have a good time.  I'm using my Points allowence.  Again, something the previous times I joined WW I never would have done.  So that's that.  My check in for now.  Will update again soon!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Jello Legs

My body is killing me.  I am so so very sore.  I did SIWW today, but I don't think I can do Zumba.  I really want to, but my legs are telling me they have about had it.  They are starting to feel like jello while I walk or work out.  I feel like it might be best if I just stick to 1 workout for the next day or so, but also I don't want to feel like a failure all over again, especially if the number on the scale isn't that great.  I don't know what to do.  I feel like my body is giving me the finger, so that's probably an indicator I should take it easy.  Maybe I can just do some light walking while I make dinner.  That way I won't injur myself and I won't totally feel like I suck......

Monday, January 9, 2012

Friend Makin' Mondays

FMM: Getting To Know You

1) What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday? Relaxing with my family.  We are pretty go go go around here during the week
2) List your top three favorite TV shows.  Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, Dance Moms (I admit it, I'm a reality tv addict, what'cha gonna do?)
3) Would you rather be in pictures or take them? Depends.  If I'm skinny I will be in every shot.  ATM, I would rather take them
4) Why do you blog? To give myself some accountability and to just get out my thoughts and feelings
5) Share five websites that you visit regularly… Facebook, Twitter, Weight Watchers, 311.com, youtube

6) If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be? Either @NickHexum or @pnut =)
7) List a few of your favorite snacks. Nachos, chips & dip, cookies, pb&j sandwiches, boneless wings, mozz sticks.....the list can go on and on and on
8 ) Do you have a pet? If so, what kind? A 1 1/2 yr old pitbull/boxer mix
9) Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without? cell, laptop, iPod
10) What’s your favorite drink? Non alcoholic Shirly Temple though I don't have it often.  When I drink I usually drink Miller Lite's, but my favorite is the mudslide

11) Do you enjoy cooking? Very much
12) Do you have children? A son & a daughter
13) What are your favorite hobbies? I like to read
14) Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing? Again, depends on what weight I am.  As a skinny bitch I am very outgoing, when I'm bigger, very shy
15) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change? My "all or nothing" mentality
16) Who is your favorite actor/actress? I don't really have one
17) What’s the coolest thing you’ve done this week? I haven't done much besides the usual daily routine around here.....
18) Do you live near your family or far from them? 5 minutes from my mom, an hour from my dad & brother.
19) List three of your talents. Some people think I'm funny.  My kids think I'm good at getting monsters out of their rooms......as for # 3, that's private ;)
20) What is your greatest attribute? When I set my mind to something, there is no stopping me
Now it’s your turn to share your answers. Don’t forget to come back here and link up in the comments! Happy Monday!

Feeling Like a Failure

If you remember when I started this blog, I gave you some background information on myself.  Well, I am at a point here where the old eating disorder thoughts/feelings are making themselves known.  I went out on Friday with my friend, okay fine.  Saturday I barely ate to make up for it.  Yesterday I had to go to my dad's house and also my kids' dad's parents' house.  My dad's wasn't a big deal, I brought my own lunch.  I went light all day because I knew P's mom was making jambalaya and she would get offended if I didn't eat it.  No biggie.  I did SIWW and a mid length Zumba class on the Wii,  I watched my portion with her dinner, everything was cool.  Then they brought out the birthday cake (we were celebrating P's dad and sister's birthdays).  I only had one piece, and while it wasn't small it was smaller than I would have normally had.  Again not a big deal. 

Then I get home and she had sent home some bagels for the kids from the bagel place in their town.  I caved.  I had a bagel with some cream cheese.  And I have been beating myself up like crazy over that damn bagel.  I know I did a lot worse on Friday, but I think it's because I did so horrible on Friday and then went ahead and had the bagel anyway.  Like if I didn't go out Friday and I just had the bagel, I don't think it would be such a big deal.  I really really want to punish myself (by not eating of course), I want to spend my whole day working out and it is taking every bit of effort I can muster to not do those things.  I did do SIWW and the mid length Zumba again, but I figure that's not so bad.  I just don't know how to handle this.  I haven't had feelings this strong in a very very long time.  And I usually don't feel this way while I'm losing weight, it's after I have lost all I want to lose and I am trying to maintain. 

So that's where I'm at right now.  I just have to do my best to ignore it and push it to the back of my head.  Hopefully once i go to WW on Thursday I won't have gained any weight and then Friday I can start with a clean slate and I won't feel so bad....

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Girls' Night Out

9 drinks, 2 wings, 2 mozz sticks and a 1/2 order of disco fries.  So fun, so delicious, so incredibly hungover.  I have made up for it (a little) by not really eating today.  I have only used 13 of my 26 points for the day, so I don't feel quite as guilty.  It was a great night though, and I really needed it.  And it was just one night.  I was back on track this morning, so that's what really matters.  Needless to say I didn't exercise today.  Although we did go bowling this afternoon, that's better than nothing right?  

Friday, January 6, 2012

Official WI

Down 3lbs since I was last at WW!  That only comes out to 1.5/week which normally for me is completely unacceptable, but since I wasn't exactly "on plan" it's pretty awesome.  So tonight I am going out to dinner and have some drinks with some friends, hopefully I can keep myself in check.  Will update probably tomorrow on how I did!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy New Year!

I know what you're thinking.  I disappeared so I must have gotten caugt up in the whole holiday thing, throw my diet out the window and can't bear to face it.  Not really true.  Yes, I did have maybe like days out of the last 2 weeks where I did not do so well.  And okay, so yesterday was the 1st time I worked out in the last 2 weeks.  But that is not why I wasn't here  My modem broke and I was without internet until today.  However I got back on the wagon on the first (like most people) and my scale is telling me I am actually down!  168.4!  Seriously?  How awesome is that?  I will take it!  Now I'm just hoping that officially at WW tomorrow I will get a similar number.  So I am sticking with it (hopefully).  I am happy that at least I was able to get back on track before I hit a really big downward spiral.  I just have to figure out how to stop myself from that in the first place.  Hopefully that will come with time.  So that's it, I hope you all enjoyed your holidays and I will be checking back soon!