I am well aware that my mirror is dirty. I guess I don't look as bad from the front as I had thought, but the top of my shorts are covering the worst part. It gets really saggy and gross just below where they're sitting. These were taken last week when I was 124.4. I looked in the mirror today and I can see the difference between last week and this week. Sigh. I kind of feel like I'm nit picking at this point, but it really bothers me. And for the record, I did not post these because I'm looking for people to tell me that I look fine, or I'm being rediculous or anything like that. I mean, if you WANT to say that, I'm not going to stop you, lol! But I posted them because this blog is about honesty. This is me, this is what I look like, this is where ALL THAT FREAKING AB WORK has gotten me. I am at a point where I honestly believe that it's really just not going to get any better. Sure, I can (and WILL) lose more weight, but my middle will still pretty much look like that.
This is kind of going back to this post I wrote recently about accepting my body for what it is. I am also wondering if my insecurities about how I look are ever going to go away. I am constantly comparing mysef to this girl and that girl, and why can't I look like her, why not this, why not that. I don't know why being me just isn't good enough. I tell my kids that they should just be themsevles, not everyone is going to like them and that's okay. Not everyone has to like you, but you should never change just so you can meet some one else's expectations or standards. Well, okay, they're 6 and 4 so I don't say it like THAT, but you get my point. Why can't I take my own advice? Why am I not capable of being like "You know what? This is me, love it, hate it, I do not give a f*ck!"? Okay, are you guys sick of my bitching yet?
In other news, I wrote a post last night that I was going to post today, and I'm not really sure what is stopping me. A friend posted a link on Facebook to an article about a website that calls itself "pro-skinny" but people are saying it's pro-ana and apparently they called Kate Upton fat which is what sparked the whole article. So I read the article, then I went to the site. I really don't know what to make of it. The women on there seem to really push the fact that they promote "healthy" weight loss, even though many of them are or are striving to be 20+lbs UNDERweight. In their defense though, I did see a post on the forum where one girl was purging and they all told her not to and to go seek help offline. Anyway, the article and the site just kind of set something off in my brain and I wrote this whole big post about it. I think part of the reason I'm letting it sit in my drafts is because it makes me feel like a hypocrite. I want these girls to be healthy and if they get the green light from their doctor's, then keep doing what they're doing. Again I myself seem to not be taking my own advice. I don't over indugle in exercise, I don't severely restrict my caloric intake, but I don't just inhale stuff either. BUT I still eat crap and a lot of processed stuff. So how can I sit here and say that I'm healthier than these women, that I don't even know, just because I am in what is considered a healthy weight/bmi range?
Alright, well I suppose I should go do stuff like work or chores or something. You know, be productive. If any of you actually took the time to read all that, you deserve some kind of prize, lol. I know it was long today guys, but obviously I had a lot to say!