Friday, May 18, 2012

I'm Sorry

I have had the worst  36 hours ever in the entire history of my life.  No joke.  Never ever ever before have I felt so completely betrayed, angry, worried, emotions really run the gamet.  I am honestly literally heartbroken right now.  And I just wish I knew what the hell it is I ever did to deserve this.  All I can really say to the offender here is I'm sorry.

That's right.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for every time I called out of work for you making excuses why you couldn't come in, even though the real reason was because you were drinking til 6 am and you just passed out.

I'm sorry for every time I got you fresh towels, picked out your clothes, and looped your belt through your jeans.  I'm sorry I took you everywhere you wanted to go whenever you asked me to because you won't get your license back til 2020 for stupid mistakes YOU made.

I am sorry for letting you have every penny I ever had so that you could go to the liquor store and get what you needed.  I'm sorry for writing you 135 letters for the 135 days you spent in jail. I'm sorry for going and visiting you while you were incarcerated.

I am sorry for always trying to protect you in situations where you should have been protecting me.  I'm sorry for doing nothing but love you for 7 years.  But most of all, I am sorry that for whatever reason my love was just not enough.

And lastly, I'm sorry it all had to end like this.  I never wanted this to happen, but I have given you one million chances.  I'm not stupid enough nor am I so weak that I would give you one million and one.  This is it, the absolute last straw.  And out of everything you have EVER done (which I will not mention here, I refuse to embarrass either of us like that), this is the deepest wound you have given me.  I am not sure I can ever forgive you, nor am I sure that you are very deserving of forgiveness at this time.  That stunt you pulled was really low, even for you.

I have been trying to hold onto you as much as I could.  The very thought of losing you, despite our history, kills me.  However, it is for the best.  No matter what, I will always love you, but we are in a place right now where we just need to sever as many ties as we can with eachother.  I wish you no harm, I hope that you will eventually get the help that you need.  I know the real you, and you are so much better than what you have allowed yourself to become.  I know this sucks right now, it sucks for me too.  I am doing my best to be strong, and you need to be strong too.  We will get through this hurt, but this time we will NOT be getting through it together.

Please for once in your life, take care of yourself.


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