Monday, August 13, 2012

(Wo)Man in the Mirror

I actually went to bed at 7:30 last night.  I had just had it.  Yesterday would have been all kinds of fun and great if I had actually gotten some sleep and wasn't so hungover.  I didn't go to the gym.  My dad called me at 8:30 and asked if I wanted to go get a free makeover with my step mom.  She and I haven't had a whole lot of bonding time, and most of the family hates her, so I figured what the hell.  I don't know if I would have survived the gym anyway.  Sigh.

I was proud of myself though.  My dad had a Carvel ice cream cake, and Oreos, and Nesquick, AND pudding.  And I had none of it.  None.  I did really awesome on my challenge.  The first day was th hardest and after that it was easy.  I feel like that by having Taco Bell and then going on a drinking spree (which ended up at Applebees) kind of defeated part of the reason I wanted to do this.  I didn't do horrible at Applebees.  I had 2 mozz sticks, 5 wings and some chips with the spniach dip.  Considering how wasted I was, that could have been a WHOLE lot worse.  I do have a confession to make though, last night I had 2 mini sized Twix ice cream bars.  I almost made it through my challenge.  I didn't even really want them but I was so upset over having eaten as much as I did at Applebees (shouldn't have had the wings), I was upset that I hadn't worked out (though maybe I should hav instead of having the Twix), and I was just really mad at myself over how Saturday night ended.  Bad decisions were made.  One of them is something I have done before and I need to not do that anymore.  I was really forced to take a good look at myself yesterday and kind of re-evaluate what I do and my reasons behind it.  I don't think I respect myself or value myself the way I should.  I need to make a serious change. 

I felt so awful about everything yesterday I really just wanted to cry.  I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but I can't just forget either.  If I forget then I won't be able to change.  Today is a new day though.  I'm 100% OP, I'm going to take spinning today.  Stacy's on vacation and Kim is teaching her step class.  We already know I'm not a big fan of Kim's teaching, so I found another class.  I'm also starting BBL again today.  I bought some frozen strawberries and I have frozen blueberries and I also bought some spinach and protein powder at the store this weekend.  Starting all over again right now.  I'm also going to try the whole no sweets thing again.  But it's going to be a little different.  I can only have ONE dessert and only if I really want it and have the Points for it.  Like I'm not going to save Points specifically to have dessert.  I got used to eating more actual food and I kind of liked it.  So that's it.  Have a great day!


  1. I am sorry that you are feeling so down and I totally understand dwelling, I am a dwelling pro. Congrats still! I hope you can see the accomplishment in only having the Twix in a day.

    1. Thanks. I think 2 full days without sweets and not caving at my dad's is HUGE. I am really proud of myself for that. Also, I have broken the habit of sneaking in extra desserts during the day. I didn't even feel like it after lunch which is so amazing for me. I just really need to take a step back and look at what I'm doing, and not just in relation to eating/exercise. I'll be okay, thank you though.