I'm going to warn you now. This is going to be a bitchy whiny kind of post. I completely loathe the fact that abs are made in the kitchen and not in the gym. I HATE it. I do so much core work now it's insane. Hundreds and hundreds of crunches a day, planks, supermans, you name it I do it. And I know it works. I have previously discussed how I can see the outlines of my abdominal muscles if I stand a certain way. But my belly still jiggles. Sure, I go to the gym. Matter of fact, I killed it at the gym today. I workout 7 days a week usually (sometimes it's only 6 but still!) and give it my all, I watch my caloric intake, I drink my water. But it's not enough. My lower abs especially still look like a bowl of jello. Why? Because I still eat crap.
There I said it. I eat crap. I love my brownies, and ice cream, and cookies, and bagels and chips, and pizza and beer. Just last night I ate my ice cream right out of the carton. Classy, I know. But hey, I measured first! There was only 1/2 cup left and I wasn't about to dirty a bowl.
And, here's what really kills me. I love these things, I want these things, MORE than I want my abs. I really hate admitting that, but it must be true. If it wasn't true I would have a flat stomach and would be posting about something else. As much as I want nice abs, I want to be able to consume these things more. My weakness. My Achille's heel. I know I probably spelled that wrong, but you guys know what I mean. I don't know how to fix this though.
I was tired of being fat and I decided I wanted to be thin and healthy more than I wanted to devour boxes of Entemann's. The difference is that I can be thin and (fairly) healthy and still eat Entemann's, just not the whole box in one sitting. If I want my abs, I can't have it. Period. At least not for a while and then when I do have it, it can't be on the daily. And it saddens, and actually kind of disgusts me that I don't want it bad enough to make the commitment. I don't want it bad enough to cut stuff from my diet that I really shouldn't be having anyway because it's not good for me. I just can't do it. Me. Liz the strong and mighty who can move entire sofas! Liz who has hit bottom and lived to tell. Who has survived anorexia and a drug addiction. Who raises two children on her own. I am strong enough to do all of those things, but I am not strong enough to say no to pizza, at least not without falling back into my anorexic ways. Go figure.
Anyway, this post isn't so much about me whining about my body as it is me whining about my lack of willpower and how my priorities are all messed up and that I realize this, but still won't change it. Le sigh. Well thanks for reading and letting me vent. Do any of you guys have issues like this? Something you know you should change, but you just won't?