Weigh In 12/22

I went last night. 170.0!!  I am down 18.6 lbs!  Which is amazing.  However, I'm critizing myself saying "Why not 20?" and "If you hadn't screwed up so bad at the concerts it could have been 20 lbs..." *sigh*  So the Christmas weekend is upon us, and I haven't worked out today.  I didn't yesterday either.  I really really want to today.  I can workout today and I can workout tomorrow.  Sunday I know is shot, so it's super important for me to get it in now.  If nothing else I should do some walking in place today.  Maybe while I make dinner.  So wish me luck this weekend.  Merry Christmas!

To Clarify

In my last post I said that if I had just stuck with this last year I wouldn't need to do this because I would be hot.  Please don't take that to mean that I think all plus sized people are hideous.  Not true.  I know of (and have been friends with) plus size people who look amazing.  In fact, sometimes I wish I could look like them.  That being said, I just don't look good as a big person.  Me personally.  I think I look horrendous.  Just wanted to say that, didn't want anyone getting offended because I really truly did NOT mean it that way.

A Little Depressed

I have been doing pretty well on this whole weight loss thing.  I couldn't resist and weighed myself this morning.  171.  Down 2.4lbs since last week.  I have done SIWW the last 5 days in a row.  I have lost a total of 17.6lbs.  I have noticed the difference in my clothes and in my feeling of general health.  However, I still feel like a super huge fat ass.  Wtf.  I just want this weight to be gone and to be gone now.  If I had actually stuck with it back in the beginning of October I could probably be like another 15 lbs lighter than I am now.  And if I had just stuck with it last year when I did this, I wouldn't even need to have this blog.  I would be hot, confident, and have more than 3 outfit choices.
It just really sucks.  I hate being stuck here in the weight loss trenches.  What sucks even more is that I know for me, there is no immediate way out of this funk.  The only way to shake this feeling is to get back down to 115, which is a long long way from here.  56 more pounds.  It's just this huge number staring me in the face.  *sigh*  I just got to keep on going, I can't quit now.

Going Strong

Day 2 SIWW!  And I did all 3 circuits!  I only had to modify 2 moves, I just felt I'm not there physically to try and do them.  But I actually finished the workout today.  So that's a big accomplishment.  That and the fact that I worked out 2 days in a row!  Tomorrow is going to be a little challenging, but I think that if I do it right after my son gets on the bus I'll be okay.  I just need to make sure that I get my workout in before my daughter's dance class, otherwise I know I won't do it at all.

Trying for a Change

I know I haven't exactly been putting forth the effort to get big numbers on the scale every week, but I would be lying if I said that it's not discouraging.  If I want to lose weight at the rate I am used to losing it I need to stop using my Flex Points and I need to be working out like every day.  But when I don't use my Flex Points, that seems to be when I start really falling off.  For instance I get to the weight I want, so I start getting comfortable and eating out, or eating extras at home.  Then I assume that I have just totally screwed up, and I'll get back on track the next day.  One day turns into a week, turns into a month, and well you get the idea.  So while I am extremely impatient and want to be losing 3 or 4lbs a week, I'm thinking that maybe by using my Flex Points and seeing that I can still lose it will keep me from throwing in the towel completely.  Does that make any sense?  Like I'm trying to change my "all or nothing" mentality. 
In other news, I worked out today!  I did the first 2 circuits of SIWW and then walked the last one.  I actually want to try to do it every day.  I think taking days off isn't a good idea because then I just don't seem to be working out at all.....

Weigh In

Skipping my meeting tonight.  My son has a wrestling match, and since I refuse to eat before I get weighed that means I would be having dinner at about 8:00.  So I weighed in at home.  173.4, so that's what?  2lbs since last week?  Not bad.  Not excellent, but I shall take it!  So I have bounced back from my gain last week, and I am going to try and do better next week!

Getting Better

I worked out today!  Yes, it is true.  I did 18 minutes of Zumba this morning, and then it got to be time to make dinner.  I figured since I had to turn the pork chops every 15 minutes anyway I would just stay in the kitchen and walk in place.  I did that for 30 minutes, so in all I worked out 48 minutes today.  Not too bad, I have this feeling of accomplishment.  So that's it, just another quickie update. 

12/12 Update

So I've been doing really well.  Friday I did have a little bit of a splurge, but I only went 8 points over.  I did exercise today.  I did the first 2 circuits in SIWW, and then I let the dvd play and I walked in place the rest of the time.  So that's good, right?  I'm finding it harder and harder to stay on point (and to find the will to exercise).  My goal is to do SIWW M/W/F and T/Th do WATP.  We'll see how that goes.  See you Thurs! 

Weigh In

Up .4, so I am now 175.2.  That's okay, well not really, but it could be a lot worse.  I didn't do so hot as I previously mentioned, and it's less than half a pound, so it's not like a HUGE set back.  WW introduced new Points Plus 2012, so I am getting 3 less Points than I was previously.  Again, not a big deal since I was struggling to eat that much most of the time.  We shall see how I do.  I am going to my mom's today while the kids are in school to make Christmas cookies, and it is going to take everything I have to not sample any, but I can do this!  Until next time....

It Hurts!!

So remember how yesterday I said I only did 2 circuits out of 3 so I wouldn't be sore today?  Yeah, turns out 2 was overdoing it a touch.  I can walk okay, but it hurts to bend down and to sit.  Maybe I will try something simple, like WATP, and just walk even when she does kicks and stuff.  So yeah, that's about it.

Update

So this past weekend was amazing!  311 on Friday night, then a last minute decision to see them again on Saturday, and I am a very happy girl!!  However, the whole eating thing, eh, could have been a lot worse, but it still wasn't great.  Friday I had cereal for breakfast, a grilled cheese (made with whole wheat rducd calori bread, fat free cheese and butter spray) for lunch, and dinner at the Hard Rock.  I picked something I thought would be healthy, a chicken club with no mayo.  Turns out that sucker is a whopping 800+ calories.  I only ate half of the actual sandwich though.  I ate half, then took the chicken off the 2nd half and ate that.  I figured it was just grilled chicken and I would need to energy.  Then I had 6 beers and on the way home my friend and I split a 10 piece nugget from BK.  But I go nuts at these things and I normally dance around enough to burn off most of what I consumed.


Saturday all I had was a cup of coffee and a WW mac & cheese (which is not good hangover food, fyi) before heading out.  We had dinner at this Irish pub, I got a bbq chicken wrap, and again only ate half. 
I have no idea how many calories or points or whatever, hopefullt it wasn't too bad.  And I only had one beer.  Before leaving however, we were both in desperate need of caffeine.  So we went to this coffee shop in the casino and I had a mocha bomb, which was probably like 400 calories but whatever, it was a 3 hour ride home for the 2nd night in a row, I needed it.

So Sunday I was right back on track, eating like I should eat.  And this morning I found the drive to workout.  I did 2/3 of Jillian Michaels Shred It With Weights (SIWW).  I probably could have finished it, but my legs were starting to feel like jello, and I don't want an excuse to not workout tomorrow.  So that's it.  Will check back later.

Weigh In

I went to WW yesterday kinda nervous.  Last week I had the bar crawl and Thanksgiving, I didn't exactly work out, so I braced myself thinking this probably won't be good.  And I was right.  It wasn't good.  It was freaking great!!  174.8!!!  I lost what?  4.5 since last week?  Something like that.  I am down 6.8 from two weeks ago which was my last "official" weigh in.  So that's pretty awesome.  I am one month in and 13.8lbs down.  Considering I have been a huge slacker in the exercise department not too shabby!  So that's it.  Gotta get the kids ready for school and I have a concert to attend tonight with my best friend (and probably my only reader!).

Setting Mini Goals

I recieved an e-mail from Weight Watchers about how to stay motivated.  With so much weight to lose it is very easy to get discouraged (otherwise I wouldn't still be trying to do this!!), so it is important to set interim goals. They also said to set some non scale goals.  That has got me thinking about my biggest triumphs here.  Have I been losing at a stellar rate?  No.  But despite some setbacks (like last week), I have not given up.  I have not, as my leader says, let a lapse turn into a collapse.  That in itself is a little empowering.  To know that I am capable of living my life, and on special occasions being able to eat what I want to eat and not have it completely ruin me.  So anyway, as of last week (pre Thanksgiving), I had reached my 5% goal.  I'm hoping that I have done well enough to still be at that weight when I get to weigh in tomorrow.  I just want to have lost what I possibly gained last week.  That's all.  I haven't exactly been on the exercise wagon this week, I do have to get back to that.  So that's all, I will update after weigh in tomorrow.

Post Turkey Day

Okay, so things didn't exactly go as I had planned.  Wednesday night I went out with a friend, thinking it was going to be just an hour or so and like 2 drinks.  That turned into a bar crawl which ended with a 2:30 am trip to the diner.  After about 6 drinks I wasn't really all about counting points, but still didn't do quite so bad.  Instead of ordering chicken fingers and disco fries for myself, my friend and I split them.  Thanksgiving day I had a light breakfast as planned, and said the hell with it for the rest of the day.  But I was very prou of myself, I didn't have 2nds of anything (except for the chocolate cream pie, but even then the 2 slices I had were very tiny!).  So was it bad?  Yes.  Could it have been worse?  Oh hell yes.  I have been a good girl since.  Friday I was right back on plan.  I have been taking the kids to the park the last 3 days and have been walking/power walking the track following them on their bikes, and I have been staying within my points.  While I'm not expecting a really big loss on the scale this week, I think it won't be too too bad, I have done my best with damage control.  So that's about it, will update later in the week!

Early Weigh In

 I weighed in today, because I probably won't have a chance tomorrow, and there is no way in hell I'm going to weigh myself Friday (that's like setting myself up for failure), so I did it today.  179.4, down another 2.2!!!  Bringing my total to 9.2lbs, yay!  It feels so good to be back out of the 180's.  I worked for it though, I only took 2 days off of working out, which reminds me I gotta do it today, and I watched what I was eating.  I am trying to mentally prep myself for tomorrow, I hope I can control myself, I think I'll be alright.  So that's it, have a happy Thanksgiving everyone, will check back Friday and let you know how I made out.

Onward and Upward

So today I was feeling ambitious and did a mid-length medium instensity Zumba class.  By the end of the 3rd song my legs felt as though they would fall off.  I made it though, so proud of me!  Not sure I will be doing that again anytime soon (maybe a mid-length low instensity class), but I feel accomlished.  I also burned almost 600 calories, so yay!

So things are moving along nicely, I'm doing really well with this weight loss thing now.  The only thing is I just feel so damn tired all the time.  I seriously feel as though I could sleep another 10 hours or so when I get up in the morning.  And it's not like I don't sleep.  I get between 7 and 8 hours of sleep every night, but every morning it is just a struggle for me to get out of bed.  The only other time in my life I have ever been this tired is when I was pregnant (which I know for a fact I am NOT, so let's not think that okay?).  I remember when I was pregnant the first time I would get like 9 hours at night, get up, have breakfast, take a 3 hour nap, do some chores, have lunch, take a 2 hour nap, do some more stuff, have dinner, hang out, go to bed.  That's 14 hours of sleep a day.  When I was pregnant the 2nd time I didn't get to sleep quite that much, but I made sure I slept whenever my son slept.  I would do anything to be able to sleep like that again!

Well, that's about it.  I think I'm going to call it a night!  Until tomorrow!

So Far So Good

So far I managed to fit in a short Zumba class on the Wii (which is about 20 min).  I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do a 2nd one, so I did a medium instensity class instead of the low intensity (which is what I did yesterday).  Holy crap was it hard.  Not even talking about the intensity, just the steps in some of the songs were hard as hell.  But I did the best I could and made it through. 
Thanksgiving is looming overhead.  I am not looking forward to it at all.  There is going to be some amazing food that I wait all year for.  You know, the stuff that only ever gets made on Thanksgiving or Christmas.  It is going to be hard to watch the portions.  So my plan is to workout in the morning, have a WW smoothie for breakfast, and then just do the best I can.  Oh, and in case you didn't know, the holidays are a little more complex for me than they are for most people.  Every year I have 3 Thanksgiving dinners, and 3 Christmas dinners.  I also have 3 birthday celebrations each for my kids and I.  That's right.  I have triple the amount of partying/feasting that most people do.  God give me strength to make it through this.

Found Something I Like

So today after getting my son on the bus and dropping my daughter at her school, I ran over to Target and bought myself Zumba Fitness 2 for the Wii.  I saw the ad for it last night while watching t.v., it looked like something I could do, so I got it.  I just did my first class, I chose low intensity to start, and I did a short class (25 min), and I loved it!  It was so fun, the music was great, and the time just flew.  I want to try to do another low intensity short class tonight.  Oh, and I'm totally counting this.  Last night while I was watching t.v., every time there was a commercial break I got up and walked around.  I figure I put in about 20-25 minutes of walking (I tried to time it).  So that was good.  Also, because I am just going to be super busy tonight, I have an appointment to go to and I have a parent teacher conference, I don't think I will be able to make it to my meeting.  So I decided to weigh myself this morning.  181.6, down another 2.4!!  Which considering my lack of exercise is pretty good!

Finally

Finally I managed to get off my ass and do something.  Yesterday I took a 30 minute walk around the mall, AND I played Just Dance 2 for like 25 minutes.  It totally counts.  So I'm hoping I can keep the momentum going here and do it again tonight.  So that's it.  Eating is still going well, I have my weigh in tomorrow, so I will post afterwards and let you know how it went! 

No Worries

Yeah, I know I disappeared for a few days.  You might be thinking "here we go, she gave up already" or you might not really give a crap.  Either way, I did not give up, I'm still doing what I need to be doing, I just happened to have a usy weekend.  Saturday my daughter had to make up a dance class, and my son had soccer.  Sunday we went to go visit my dad, step mom #2, my brother and his girl.  Then on the way home we stopped at Toys R Us and picked up one of the kids Christmas presents which they got early.  I figured they should get it now for 2 reasons. 1) It's a really awesome gift and they might not care about anything else Christmas morning.  2) It's a power wheels (well, it's made by a different company, but it's the same thing).  Point being, if they got it at the end of December, there will more than likely be snow, so what would I say to them?  "Here, I bought you tis really awesome car.  You can look at it for the next 3 months while we wait for the snow to disappear."  This way they at least get to use it a little.

So anyway, doing really well.  My dad killed me though.  He bought this like Hershey pie kind of thing, you know the kind you keep in your freezer until you're ready to eat it.  I absolutely had to have a piece!  But I took about 1/4 of the amount I would have normally taken (which probably ended up being the serving suggestion!), and I counted it.  So I used 8 Flex Points this week.  Oh well.  And I have been playing Wii Sports a lot.  Is it a really great work out?  No.  Is it more than what I have been doing?  Absolutely.  So there you have it.  Will check back soon!

Pushing Through

So today was another day.  Great with the food, and I spent an hour walking around the mall with the kids.  Was it the kind of exercise I was aiming for?  No, but I did something, which is the point.  At some point (like tomorrow) I'm going to have to stop settling for less when it comes to working out.  I want to fit in my size 0 skinny jeans again, wear my cute little tops from bebe.....I want some wardrobe options dammit!  'cause right now, I have none.  I have three pairs of sweats I wear and my maternity shirts.  That's right people, I said maternity shirts.  Which, by the way, are meant to accentuate a pregnant belly (which I do not have) so they make me look even fatter.  Great.  So yeah, tomorrow is another day.  At least I'm staying on track with eating well (and within my Points).

Awww Yeah!

So without exercising and I used some of my Flex Points (which again, HUGE deal for me) I lost 4.6lbs!!  I am excited about it, I do think it's awesome, but I can't help but still be pissed.  Not pissed at the number, but at myself.  Like if I had actually worked out this week, I could have lost like 6 or 7.  I seriously kinda feel like I failed.  But I am determined now.  My heart admittedly wasn't really in this, but seeing that number has fueled my fire.  This week I am committed to working out at least 30 min/day 5 days.  I also need to hydrate more.  The one good thing I did do this week, was I started having a salad.  If I got hungry around 2 or 3 I would just make myself a salad.  Go me!  I am also hoping that since I did go over my daily Points allowence and saw tahat it really wasn't a detriment to me at the scale that I can over come that all or nothing mentality.

Baby Steps

I still haven't exercised.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I did one lap around the track when I took the kids to the park today.  I know, big deal right?  I need something or some one to give me a big kick in the ass, seriously.  I am, however, still doing great with the eating part.  I have been eating healthier this week than I have in a while.  I'm actually eating a salad everyday (those who know me personally, know this is huge)!  I've never been a big fruit/veggie person.  I have certain things that I will eat (lettuce, peas, broccoli, carrots, green beans), but I just don't normally.  When I'm hungry, I don't normally say to myself "Why don't I make myself a big salad?"  No, I say "I wonder if there are any cookies left?" or "Maybe I'll have a huge bowl of ice cream with some hot fudge."  This would probably be why I'm fat.  That coupled with the fact I am lazy as anything and would much rather read or check my facebook than do a workout tape.  Like right now.  I could be (and should be!) working out.  But what am I doing?  Writing in my blog. *smh*  Oh well, baby steps right?

This Totally Sucks

As the title states, this really sucks.  Day 4 and I already hate this.  I have no motivation, no drive, nothing.  I still haven't exercised.  Ugh.  I've been doing really well staying within my Points and everything, but I don't want to.  I would be lying if I said the kids' Halloween candy wasn't calling me.  And I would do anything for a DD medium iced caramel mocha light and sweet with a toasted blueberry bagel with butter.  But I'm hangin in there, staying strong.  Just have to start moving....

Day 2

Again, really well with the eating.  That is so not the problem.  The problem is getting my ass in gear and actually working out.  Although I did walk around the mall today, so that kind of counts right?   And lets be honest, there was no way I was working out last night.  Tomorrow is another day, but I really need to start focusing.  I will only lose so much weight by not eating so damn much.  If I want real results, I'm gonna have to bust my ass.....

So I Totally Suck

Okay, okay, so I fell off course a little.  No biggie.  I got some money together, and last night rejoined Weight Watchers for the millionth time in my life.  But I subscribed to the monthly pass.  I have paid for an entire month, so I can't quit.  If I quit it would be like wasting money and that is something I never, ever do.  So here I am finishing up day 1.  I didn't exactly workout (hey the day isn't over yet!), but I have been keeping track of what I have been eating, and I have been doing well.  As of last night I weigh 188.8 (yikes, is that for real?).  I will get back to where I was, and as a reward I will be giving myself a make over.  I even bought myself the NYX Haute Jersey pallet as incentive.  When I have lost all the weight, I am going to get my hair and nails done, and buy myself something hot!  So here we go again, hopefully I stick with it this time!

Yesterday Sucked

I had a blueberrybagel with butter from Dunkin Donuts, 4 munchkins, and 2 mini cider donuts.  However, that plus 1 cup of multi grain Cheerios and a pbj is all I had to eat yesterday.  I was trying to get my Christmas shopping done while both kids were in school and before I blew my money on something else.  *sigh*  That's okay, today is a new day.  A new day in which I have to take my son to his soccer game AND then to soccer clinic (yes, we have 2 hours of soccer every Saturday!), then to wrestling sign ups (something I never really thought I would let him do, but he wants to try it, so....), and then off to my dad's house an hour away to have lunch and hang out.  I have no idea what time I will be home.  So I have no reasonable expectation of working out today, but I am, at the very least, going to do my best to eat well.  So happy Saturday everyone, will check back tomorrow!

Weigh In

So yesterday was just busy, so I didn't get to post, but I did weigh in.  Exactly the same as I was Tuesday.  Which isn't great, but at least it didn't go up.  My plan is to start the 30DS, so hopefully next week I will get a better number.  I gotta admit, it's really hard not to throw in the towel.  While I know I could have worked out a little more, I did put in a lot of effort this last week and for it to not show really really sucks.  So we shall see what this next week brings.

Quick Update

Didn't get to my weights today, but I did go for like a 45 minute walk with my daughter before hitting up story time at the library and I stayed on track as far as eating goes, so I'm still doing okay.  Not great, but at least I'm doing it.  Tomorrow is official weigh in day.  I'm hoping it is better than yesterday, but I'm not expecting it to have moved much, and then Friday I start doing the crazy stuff.  It's been really hard to stick with the eating.  So many times I have been tempted.  But I am really doing my best to not give in.  So that's it, just wanted to give a quick update.  I really want to be on here everyday, I find that it helps me.  I will check back tomorrow!

Flaked and Caved

I totally flaked on my cardio yesterday *oops*.  At least I squeezed in some weight training, better than nothing.  And I caved and weighed myself this morning.  178.8.  Really?  Not even a pound?  And here I thought I was doing so well.  So I guess I am going to have to actually start tracking and I need to find some tougher workouts.  Although in my defense, after I had my daughter I lost 80lbs doing the Walk Away the Pounds (which I will refer to as WATP, it's easier) dvd's, and I did it quickly, so I really thought it would be enough for now.  I am going to finish out the week doing WATP and then on Friday I will suck it up and actually start doing 30 Day Shred (30DS).  She says you can lose 20lbs in a month doing that, so we shall see......

Fighting the Good Fight

Doing pretty well today.  I did about 25 minutes of Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones today.  I want to do that on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  I figure I can handle some weight training 3 days a week.  I still have to do my cardio, I WILL fit it in today!  Eating pretty well, everything else is going okay.  I'm starting to get antsy, I really really really want to weigh myself, but I'm going to fight the urge to do so until Thursday.  I would love to have lost 4-5lbs this week, but I have to try to keep in mind that I can't pull a big number every week, and no matter how small the loss it is still a loss and not a GAIN.  Even if I stay the same, I still didn't gain weight.

Staying the same, however, is very frustrating.  It has happened a few times in the past, and as I previously mentioned it happened last year for a few months straight.  Like you work and you work, you watch what you eat, you start busting your ass in your workouts hoping to get the scale to budge and it doesn't.  So then you start wondering why in the hell you're putting in all this effort.  The reason is that you don't want to go back to the way you were, but some how at that point you lose sight of that and fall off the wagon.  I can't do it again, not this time. 

So here I am in the meantime, not eating what I want, but eating what I should, and counting the days until Thursday and hoping that I manage at least a 3lb loss so I don't get too discouraged.  I can't get like that this early on, because if I do this won't work.

Change of Plans and Some History

The bbq was cancelled yesterday due to the rain, which kind of sucked because it would have been nice to see everyone again, but it was also a relief because I didn't have to worry about what to eat.  So I'm on day 4, and so far so good.  My two biggest problems are (as I said yesterday) being put in a situation where I don't feel in control and so I just give up.  And second getting upset when the number on the scale isn't as good as I had hoped or when I just get stuck, because I give up then too.  I have got to figure out a way to not do that anymore.

I think a big part of it is that I have an eating disorder.  It's not what they call an "active diagnosis" anymore, but just like an alcoholic who has been sober for 10 years will always be an alcoholic, I will always have my eating disorder.  When I was 17 I was severly anorexic, to the point where the doctors said I would be lucky if I lived to see the new year, that was on Thanksgiving by the way.  I worked out at the gym 3 hours a day 7 days a week.  If the weather was nice I would run to the gym (7 miles each way), work out, then run home.  Plus I would do workout dvd's at home on top of that.  I allowed myself to have one 8oz glass of water a day.  I allowed myself to eat one day a week.  Sundays were my day to eat and I got to have a Slim Fast shake.  That's right, just one.  I was living off of 220 calories a week.  I got down to 94lbs.  Insane, I know.

So even though I don't do that anymore, I still have those thoughts and feelings, and I feel like if I let my willpower slip even a little (having one bite of something I shouldn't) that I have failed.  And then I'm miserable.  So because of all this, it is a little more difficult for me to diet than the average person.  I am always in danger of just giving up completely or falling back into anorexia.  It is very hard to find a balance between the two, because let's face it, neither of those options are healthy.  Going up and down in weight all the time isn't good for the body, and it's not good to be really heavy either (not talking about physical appearence, I'm talking about health here).  So that's it for today.  I'm off to do a workout.

Day 3

So this is me, 2 years ago at my goal weight.  Please excuse the huge Lion King keychain in my lap.  Those are size 0's I'm wearing.  Everyone told me it wouldn't be possible to be that small after having 2 kids, but I showed them!  And I was healthy, I worked out 6 times a week, about 20-40 minutes a day, and I ate 5-6 times a day.  I need to get back here, the only change is I want a more toned stomach this time.  I did ab workouts, and that was as good as it got.  However, I did have 2 kids so I guess I can forgive myself for not having abs of steel.

Anyway, I technically started this whole thing on Thursday. I started watching what I eat and going for a walk to my friend's house, which is 1.8 miles away.  So this is day 3.  I have been doing well, I had some cereal for breakfast and I just finished a Walk Away The Pounds dvd, I did a 3 mile walk.  You know you're out of shape when Leslie Sansone kicks your ass, I'm just sayin'.  I'm a little nervous for today, we got invited to a picnic/bbq with some friends at a park.  I don't do well when I'm on a diet and have to eat somewhere that's not home.  I dread it.  I seriously freak out a little.

I'm really hoping that I can just pick one thing, eat a single portion of it, and stop there.  Also if I feel I haven't done well I am very likely to just throw the whole day away.  And then a day turns into a week, and well, you get the idea.  Self sabbatoge at its finest.  So that's it.  Expect me to post here almost every day, if not every day.  I need some accountability here.  So wish me luck.  

Square One

My entire life I have been battling my weight.  I have always always always been successful when it comes to losing weight.  I am the weight loss queen.  While keeping my food down and without the aide of diet pills I have been known to drop 3-4lbs a week.  That's not including my 1st week.  My 1st week dieting ever back when I was in high school I dropped 14lbs.  No joke.  Now that I'm a bit older (late 20's) it's more like 5-6lbs the 1st week, and sometimes if I'm really committed the 2nd and 3rd weeks as well.

I am done with the up and down roller coaster, I have gained this weight for the last time and I am going to lose it for the last time.  When I was pregnant with my son I gained a whopping 108lbs.  Yes, I took eating for two quite literally.  I dropped 40lbs of it before I got pregnant with my daughter and put it all back on.  After I had her I dropped every last pound, and got down to my original pre pregnancy weight, only to gain 55 of it back.  Last year I got to within 15lbs of my goal, and didn't manage to move the scale for a whole 2 months, at the end of which I said "Screw this" and started gaining again. 

I am currently 64.6lbs heavier than I would like to be (I have rounded it up to 65 it's just easier) and I have had it.  I'm sick of not feeling well, being tired all the time, being self concious, not having clothes that fit.  I am just sick of being fat.  I have two children I need to be setting an example for and I feel like I am failing them. 

Officially I started yesterday.  I am weighing in at 179.6, which is much too much for my tiny 5'0" frame.  I need to get to 115.  Okay, let's do this......