Really Sucks

So my grandfather isn't doing so well.  It's so bad in fact that my aunt had an appointment with the funeral home today to start discussing what needs to be done and costs and that sort of thing.  This is really super difficult and I don't really know how to handle it.  I spend last night at my dad's house and I wish I was there again tonight but I needed to come home.  I have a puppy who missed me while I was gone.  It's so much easier to find some one to take care of the kids than it is to find some one to take care of the dog.  Weird.

Anyway, I decided that since things with the guy who couldn't make up his mind didn't work out, I would hop back on the dating site and just kind of look at profiles, see if I liked any.  O.M.G. the amount of messages I recieved.  Which should make me feel super awesome.  But instead it made me feel like shit.  Because every single one of those guys is only interested in sleeping with me.  WTF.  I have it right there on my profile I am looking for something LONG TERM.  I want a relationship, not a booty buddy, thanks.  Once, just once, I would like to meet some one who is actually into me, the person, not me the sex object.  And then it hit me.  I have met some one like that.  The very first guy I met off the site, waaaay back in January.  It took him 5 dates to kiss me.  Five.  Just for a kiss, not even like a make out kind of kiss.  But I haven't seen him in almost 2 months, and until Sunday night I hadn't even talked to him in 2 weeks.  He texted me and appologized for not being around and he hoped I wasn't mad at him but things have been crazy.  I know his story and what's going on with him, so I believed him.  I told him I wasn't mad, I understood, but I did miss hanging out with him.  So I find a good guy, but he has too much drama going on (not his fault) to have time for me.  Shit.

I know I shouldn't sweat it, and finding a guy isn't like a top priority for me right now, but I would be lying is I said I didn't miss having some one.  And it would also be a lie if I said I wasn't insulted that men seem to only see me as one thing.  Which is kind of flattering, but it still sucks.  That's my rant du jour.  I hate men.  End of story.