Sunday, February 5, 2012

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back?

I got my 30DS in yesterday!  That makes Day 9 out of 10, so today is my last day on level 1.  I stayed within my Points yesterday, had some baby carrots and even a banana!  Wow, I actually had fruit!  So proud of myself.  And I got an amazing night's sleep Friday night.  Last night was okay, I probably should have gone to bed a half hour before I actually did, but whatever.

So the bad news?  I have become really obesessive with weighing myself.  I used to just weigh myself on Wednesdays so that way I kind of knew ahead of time how bad or good it was going to be at weigh in on Thursday.  Then I started weighing myself (daily) starting on Mondays.  Just so I knew how much harder I had to bust my ass to get a good number on Thursdays.  Now (starting last week) I weigh myself every single day.  Every morning before breakfast.  This is something I have never done on WW.  I never weigh myself at home.  Weighing myself daily was something I did when I was anorexic.  Does this mean my eating disorder is back?  No, but it could be a sign that I may be headed in that direction.

I am trying really really hard not to feel like I have to be "perfect" on WW.  I have allowed myself to use my my Points allowence which is a huge step for me.  I even gained once (back in December) and didn't cry.  I don't want to start moving backwards, but I'm not sure how to stop without falling completely off plan and regaining all the weight I just worked so hard to lose.  I find that I am really strugging this time, and I don't know why. 

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