My 100th post! What a milestone. I have been thinking of what I wanted to write for my 100th post, I wanted it to be special. But I don't really feel like I have anything special to say. Today I completed my 7th consecutive day of 30DS, and mananged to get in BBL's CA. I'm supposed to do H&T but it's 8:00 at night so I'm not too hopeful.
I went over my points yesterday by 16 and I am okay with that. We had an egg hunt at a friend's house and got pizza and such. The kids had such a great time, it was worth it. I did 30DS yesterday and BB. Today I stayed within my points, so that's a good thing.
I think I have made a lot of progress this time around. I use my weeklies and don't get upset. I don't cry over the number on the scale. I feel like I'm living my life, which is fantastic. However I'm still struggling with my body dysmorphia. It's the worst after I have eaten a little more than I should and am bloated. I look in the mirror and I see some one who is on the cusp on 200lbs. I'm 145, a far cry from 200, but I can't see it. And it's discouraging. And I hear those voices in my head telling me to not eat so much. To skip a meal, add a workout. But I can't do that. I can't go back down that road. As much progress as I have made, I still have so far to go and I'm not sure how or even if I will be able to overcome that.
The other thing too is that I should be at goal by now. The weight is coming off so slow this time (in comparison to how quick I usually lose) that that itself is discouraging. I get to thinking if I hadn't done this, if I hadn't eaten that, if I had worked out an extra day. But that doesn't do me any good. It's all in the past now, I can't change it. I can only change what I do tomorrow. It's an uphill battle, I know it won't be easy. I knew that when I started this (again!), but that still doesn't help! Oh well, I will get there. One day, and one pound at a time.....