100

My 100th post!  What a milestone.  I have been thinking of what I wanted to write for my 100th post, I wanted it to be special.  But I don't really feel like I have anything special to say.  Today I completed my 7th consecutive day of 30DS, and mananged to get in BBL's CA.  I'm supposed to do H&T but it's 8:00 at night so I'm not too hopeful.

I went over my points yesterday by 16 and I am okay with that.  We had an egg hunt at a friend's house and got pizza and such.  The kids had such a great time, it was worth it.  I did 30DS yesterday and BB.  Today I stayed within my points, so that's a good thing.

I think I have made a lot of progress this time around.  I use my weeklies and don't get upset.  I don't cry over the number on the scale.  I feel like I'm living my life, which is fantastic. However I'm still struggling with my body dysmorphia.  It's the worst after I have eaten a little more than I should and am bloated.  I look in the mirror and I see some one who is on the cusp on 200lbs.  I'm 145, a far cry from 200, but I can't see it.  And it's discouraging.  And I hear those voices in my head telling me to not eat so much.  To skip a meal, add a workout.  But I can't do that.  I can't go back down that road.  As much progress as I have made, I still have so far to go and I'm not sure how or even if I will be able to overcome that.

The other thing too is that I should be at goal by now.  The weight is coming off so slow this time (in comparison to how quick I usually lose) that that itself is discouraging.  I get to thinking if I hadn't done this, if I hadn't eaten that, if I had worked out an extra day.  But that doesn't do me any good.  It's all in the past now, I can't change it.  I can only change what I do tomorrow.  It's an uphill battle, I know it won't be easy.  I knew that when I started this (again!), but that still doesn't help!  Oh well, I will get there.  One day, and one pound at a time.....