Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Big Fat F

I really feel like I've been walking around with the Vader March playing around me.  You know, like my own little theme song.  If Jabba the Hut had a song, that would probably be more appropriate because that's kind of what I feel like.  This past weekend was horrible.  If eating right was a class I would get like an F minus.  I am talking binging of epic proportions people.  I was brave and hopped on the scale today to see just how much damage was done.  120.4.  Not a huge number, but you need to remember that last week I was 117.  Not good.  Part of m is hoping that it's because I still have some bloat or some grease sitting in my stomach, but that's probably not true.

So here's a recap.  Friday I had Dairy Queen TWICE.  Yup, I went to DQ twice in one day!  The first time I was good and got a smal cup.  The second time I got the peanut butter bash again.  I also had 2 slices of Domino's pizza, 4 breadsticks, 2 Lender's bagels, ice cream from my freezer and 2 biscuits from KFC.  That was Friday.  Saturday I tried to get back on the wagon, but ended up buying these cupcakes from this bakery that had set up shop in the mall.  I ate 2 of them right away, then when I came home I had 5 mini bagels with peanut butter and jelly, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, ice cream, and a pack of M&M's.  That was Saturday.  But Sunday, well, that was probably the worst.  I had 4 apple cider donuts, a bagel with cream cheese, a turkey & cheese sandwhich on a bakery roll with mayo, a half box of chewy Chips Ahoy, and then I went to Fuddruckers.  Although I didn't finish my fries, but that was only because I think I was about to explode.  When I got home I ate one of the chocolate chip cookies from Fudd's, but I put it in the microwave first and then put some ice cream and fudge on top.

And all of that is NOT counting my breakfast or my morning snack, and Friday and Saturday I didn't even put my lunch or afternoon snack's in there because that was the food I had planned on eating.  Can you just IMAGINE what my caloric intake was?  I don't even want to think about it.  I tell everyone not to be fooled by my size, I can pack it away as you can see here.  I'm not sure where I put it all.  I really think I could do competitive eating if I really wanted to.  But I don't.  I was so bloated (and still am a little bit) and felt so disgusting.  I don't even know why I did that.  I have been back OP since Monday.  I made it to step, I didn't work out yesterday, but I am going to kickboxing today after I take A to school.

I wish I could know why I just haven't been with it.  How many weeks in a row is it now that I'm binging on the weekends?  Thankfully this was the only truly major one, otherwise I would be in serious trouble.  But I shouldn't be binging at all.  If I wanted DQ, okay fine, get what I want, count it and be done.  Don't go back.  If I wanted a cupcake, okay, ONE and be done.  So now I have to fight to get back to where I was.  I packed it on in 3 days and it's going to take me a week or two to get it off.  I don't want to dwell on what I did, I want to move forward, but I NEED to figure out what made me do it so I can prevent it from happening again.

Anyway, I have to go get my day started.  Hope you're all having a good week!


  1. I hope you feel better today. You can get through this. We all have off days or weeks. The important thing is you are back and fighting :)

    Don't give up!

  2. Woo! Girl you can put it away. I would like to point out though that for most, eating like that would have had them up so much more. You catch yourself all the time. You are doing great. In maintenance you are going to fluctuate. You're a fighter. Fight it out.

  3. That's the hardest part, figuring out the whys and triggers of binge eating, it certainly isn't hunger. When you figure it out, can you let me know? High five to you for picking yourself back up on getting back OP. Keep on keeping on.