I Did It!!

I did it, I did it, I did it!!!  I moved that whole damn couch by myself!!!  I had to rectruit my step dad to open the door, but I moved that sucker.  There's a feeling of empowerment that comes with doing something you didn;t think you could do.  A year ago there is no way I would have been able to move one piece so much as a foot.

I went to step yesterday, worked up a good sweat, then went grocery shopping, came home and made lunch then hit up the park.  I went for a 30 minute walk around the track while the kids played at the playground.  I really love this park.  The track and playground are set up in such a way that no matter where I am on the track I have a clear view of the playground.  Luckily it wasn't crowded otherwise I wouldn't have gone walking.  Too many kids makes it too difficult to pick out my two if I'm further away.  My kids are good, they know to stay in the playground and not go wandering, they know about stranger danger and we live in a pretty safe area, but anything could happen anywhere.

I really wanted to go to the BBG's class today, but I am pretty sore from moving the couch.  I'm thinking I might do 2 of the cardio DVD's from FE.  We're going to have a play date at a friend's house after lunch and then the kids have swimming lessons at 3.  After that I'll be getting ready to head to Bethlehem to see 311!  Again!! Lol.  So excited.  I really don't even NEED to workout today since I'm going to the concert.  I plugged it into My Fitness Pal after Friday's show and I burned over 300 calories dancing and jumping and just going wild.  I'm still going to do something though.  I'm in the workout zone and I want to stay there.  Also I absolutely have to do abs today.  If I do nothing else I'm going to do core work.

I did cave a little last night.  I gave into a craving.  It wasn't bad though.  I had a Lender's bagel.  So I had a 140 calorie binge.  But that could quickly turn into 200 calories which can become 300 and so on.  I'm not going to dwell on it though.  And I am INSANELY proud of myself for not touching those damn donuts I bought on Saturday.  Oh, I thought about it.  I really wanted to, but I didn't.  I didn't have so much as a bite.  I split both of them in half and my kids shared.  They each had a half on Sunday and a half yesterday and now the donuts are out of here.  That right there is a huge NSV.

Speaking of the scale, I did hop on yesterday.  But I didn't weigh myself Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or today for that matter.  I normally hop on first thing in the morning right after I go to the bathroom before I eat anything.  I did step on yesterday morning though.  124.2 which means on the WW scale I'm 123.8.  I really hope that I can either maintain that or go lower by Thursday.  I would love to be able to finally break through 124.  I already had breakfast so I won't be weighing today and I won't weigh tomorrow either.  I can resist the urge and wait until Thursday.

Lastly before I wrap this up, thanks for putting up with my whining yesterday.  This is as much of a mental process as it is a physical one.  Physically I'm there, but mentally I still need some work.  So that's it.  Happy last day of July!  OMG, can't believe August is upon us!

Not Quite Super Woman

Before I get into this post, I want to share a funny story with you.  My neighbors are moving and they had this really nice 3 piece sectional out by the road with a sign that said free.  So I stopped and talked to them and they were willing to bring in down to my house for me.  Alright awesome.  So they unload the couch and I told them they could just leave it on the lawn, I would take care of it.  I thanked them and they left.  So I start moving the couch over to my front door, because it's a double door and they only way to get large pieces of furniture into my house.  I don't use my front door very often and the last time I had both sides open was about a year ago.  Also my house is literally 200 years old.  I think you see where I'm going with this.  The second door will not open!  It's stuck or dry rotted or something but the damn thing won't open.  I am 5 feet tall, 124 pounds, and I can move an entire sofa all by myself, but I can't open an effing door.  Are you kidding me???  So angry. Lol.  This is the couch, just so you have a clear visual.

So last night to kill some time before RHONJ (which I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay up to watch anyway) I decided to watch Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition.  The girl on there was my age and 435 lbs.  She seemed like she wanted to lose the weight so badly, but then whenever the trainer would push her she would throw a fit.  I couldn't help but think about how lucky she was to have this opportunity to have some one train her and show her what to eat and turn her home into a gym, as well as give her a gym membership and she's throwing it away.  I would have done anything for that kind of opportunity and she just doesn't really seem to want it.  It kind of made me mad.  However, even at my heaviest, I was still literally only half this woman's size.  While I can relate to what it's like to be obese to some extent, I really have no clue what it's like to be that big.  So maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge.

Anyway, a commercial comes on and I get up to go to the bathroom.  And as usual I stop and start looking at myself in the mirror.  So I'm looking and this thought pops into my head "I can totally relate to that girl, I don't want to be fat anymore."  Woah, what?  I DIDN'T want to be fat anymore, which is why I did something about it.  I'm a normal weight and a healthy BMI, so why am I still looking in the mirror and calling myself fat?  Why am I still so damned unhappy with the way I look?   Why for the love of God can I not look at myself and think "Damn!  I look pretty good!"  Seriously, WTF is wrong with me?  At 124 pounds I still think I'm fat.  Maybe if I was like 4' tall I would be kinda chunky, but even I'm not quite that short!  I really just don't know how to even begin to fix this, or if it's possible to fix.  This is beyond me thinking I have a little pooch in my stomach (I do, but that's besie the point), or wishing my thighs and butt were a little more toned.  I legit think I'm fat.  But then I see the number on the scale, I see the size clothes I'm wearing and I know that just can't be true.  That there is no way I'm fat.  But when I look in the mirror I still see that girl I saw way back in November when I started this.

It's just not fair.  I have done so much and come so far and I feel like I'm really not benefiting from the results.  Okay, from a health standpoint I know I probably am, but mentally, this has done nothing for me except make me feel like more of a failure because here I am trying to not be fat and oh look, I've failed.  All the watching what I eat and ass busting workouts and I am still fat.  If I don't look like my very dear friend Nicole (who has also had 2 kids) or that skinny bitch at the gym, or Melissa Gorga, well then dammit I must be fat.  I will NEVER look like these women.  Why?  Because I'm not them.  Our bodies are different, we've been through different things, and it just won't happen.  So why do I continue to strive for the impossible?  Why can't I look at my accomplishments and pat myself on the back instead of kick myself in the ass?  I don't get it, I just don't.  I really just feel like I suck right now and all I want to do is dive face first into a box of Dunkin Donuts.  And maybe some Pizza Hut.  OMG, it's not even 8 in the morning, why in the hell am I thinking about pizza???

It doesn't matter because I'm not going to do either of those things.  I am going to finish writing this, get my kids dressed for the day, get myself ready and head to my step class. 

Sunday Check In

I want to start off by saying I am so proud of me for sucking it up and going to step class yesterday.  I really really did not feel like going but I felt so much better afterwards!  The rest of the day we pretty much took it easy.  My mom said the kids didn't get a whole lot of sleep either. They went to bed late and were up at 4!  So we cuddled in my room and watched Aladdin, then played the Wii until dinner.  I did take them to McDonald's for lunch so they could run around a bit.  I didn't get anything though.  Lesson learned about fast food, it's not good enough to justify the calories.  The chicken sandwich I got Friday on the way home was good, but not 400+ calories good.  If I'm going to be eating that much, I want to spend it on something I love, like Pizza Hut =)  Looooove Pizza Hut pizza.  Don't ask me why, I just always have.  Or Ihop.  At least I'm getting a shit ton of food for 400 calories.

I put the kids to bed at 6 last night and they slept til 6:45 this morning!  I myself went to bed at 8:45, was out by 9 I would say at the latest and also slept til 6:45.  Yup, all ready for cardio kickbox in an hour and a half!  Then I have to go into work today.  Yup, gotta go make that money.  Especially if I really want to try and make this cruise thing happen in March.  It's going to be tough, and I probably won't have much spending money, but dammit I want to go so very badly.  And the cruise is an excellent way to keep me motivated.  I noticed I've been stepping up my game when it comes to my ab work the last few days.

Oh and I have an NSV to share with all of you.  It's Sunday, and I haven't weighed myself since Thursday!  I'm trying to kick the habit, lol.  So I guess that's all I have.  I want to thank DB for her suggestion on a challenge for August.  If any one else has any ideas, that would be awesome!  And in case you hadn't noticed, I challenged myself to blog every day in July.  Two more days!  I didn't announce it just in case I didn't do it, lol.  But I've done really well.  Even on days I didn't have much to say, I still came here and checked in.  Alrighty, I gotta go get ready to hit the gym.  Enjoy!

Quickie Update

I got about 4 hours of sleep, I'm exhausted, but last night was so worth it!  311 brought it (like I knew they would).  I would say they played a lot of great songs, but all their songs are great so.....=P  Also according to My Fitness Pal, I burned over 300 calories dancing around like a crazy person, so bonus!  Unfortunately I gained those calories right back when we stopped at BK on the way home.  I got the grilled chicken sandwich (12PP), but I only ate 6 of my fries before giving the rest to one of my friends.  All in all awesome night, excited to do it again Tuesday.  Gotta go get my kids and then head to the gym.

Non Official WI & Toaster Strudel

So I tried weighing again around the time I would if I went to WW, and my scale read 124.4 which on the WW scale would be 124!  Yay, so I did lose!  I feel better now, lol.  I didn't go to the gym yesterday, instead I did RI30.  I am going today though and doing the BBG's class which would be the total body toning one.  I really don't feel like it though.  I couldn't sleep last night and have been up since 1 AM!  I don't really have to go to the gym today, I will be getting a hell of a workout later!

That's right, the long awaited day is finally here!  311 in Philly!  I am going to spend a few hours dancing and jumping and just going insane!  I really need to try and get a nap in, but I'm too excited!  I know I keep talking about this, but there are really only 3 things in my life I'm passionate about : My kids, weight loss/fitness, and 311.  If you have never been to one of their shows, I am telling you, you are missing out.  There is nothing else out there that can even be able to come close to the amount of energy that is at a 311 concert.  None.  And for the most part, everyone there is so nice!  It's very rare that you meet an a**hole at a 311 show.  So anyway I'm just super excited to go see my band that I have loved for the last, oh, 18 years of my life and to be around other 311 fans, and maybe meet a hot 311 guy ;)

But before I can do all that, I should go to the gym just so I feel better, and I need to hit Wal Mart to buy a new coffee maker and some new razon blades.  I also want to try that new Nair wax.  Have any of you tried it?  I'm just getting so sick of shaving, and the commercials say it lasts like 8 weeks or something.

So I made a mistake last night.  I had some points left over and for the first time ever I let the kids talk me into buying toaster strudel at the Shop Rite this week.  Boston creme flavor.  5 PP a piece.  So I had one.  Oh.  My.  God.  Sooooooo good!  Just like eating a donut only better because this has less calories!  I was in heaven.  Big mistake.  Now I know how awesome they are and I want more.  But I'm being good!  I did end up going over my Points last night.  I got hungry and was resisting the urge to have another toaster strudel, so I had some reduced fat wheat thins.  Well that's it, happy Friday!

So Not My Morning

Well so far today I woke up an entire hour earlier than usual.  Yup, I was up at 4 AM, awesome.  Then the scale decided it didn't like me and gave me 125.2, which on the WW scale would be 124.8 which is exactly where I was last week.  So I took my measurements hoping that would cheer me up.  Not, not so much.  Exactly the same as last month.  I know, I know, at least the numbers haven't gone up, but I have been working sooooooo hard!  So then my coffee maker decided to crap out on me.  I didn't want to drag the kids all the way to Dunkin Donuts so I figured I would just run to Quick Chek.  Well those mother effers, wouldn't you know it, they don't have French Vanilla???   I was forced to get hazelnut.  I freaking hate hazelnut.  And to top it all off it started pouring when I pulled in my driveway so the kids and I had to run to the house.  Today is just no bueno and it's only 7:30.  Really hope this gets better.

Okay, on a more positive note, I am much stronger and have more endurance than I did a month ago.  You should have seen me in kickboxing yesterday.  When we were doing the sidekicks, I could literally kick myself in the face, that's how high I was able to get my legs!  So that's a plus.  My ab muscles are becoming more prominant, though I still have a nice layer of fat over them, but they are definately more visible.  I have been able to maintain my weight and not feel deprived.  I have gone out and enjoyed myself and not seen any kind of signifcant gain, and what little I may have put on I was able to take back off.  I am eating vegetables every day.  I am actually drinking at least 8 glasses of water every day if not more.  Oh and yesterday, I did NOT go for my FiberOne brownie as soon as I finished lunch like usual.  I was actually able to save it for later!  I always grab it as soon as I'm done with lunch, but not yesterday.  Those are all the good things I have been able to accomplish in the last 30 days. 

I should probably try to not be so hard on myself.  I've come a long way.  I think I want to challenge myself a little more though.  I need to come up with something for August.  I don't know if I want it to be an exercise challenge or some sort of food challenge.  Any ideas?  I was thinking maybe try Paleo for the month of August, or try not to eat anything processed, or maybe try a new fruit or veg every day?  I need some input guys!  Well, I need to go actually do stuff now.  36 hours til 311!!!

OMG!!!! Seriously????

I want to start off by saying, I did not go to the gym yesterday.  However, I took the kids to the park and I ended up walking for TWO HOURS.  According to My Fitness Pal, I burned just slightly over my goal for the day, so I'm happy with that.  It's back to the gym today for cardio kickbox with Stacy!  I leave in about an hour.  Food wise I ate 29 PP.  And that was including the small caramel mocha iced coffee I had.  Yay me!  Also I will NOT be having an "official WW" WI this week or next week.  No, I'm not trying to skip out, but we're not having a meeting this week and I refuse to drive 25 minutes just to hop on a scale.  Next week I will be going to see 311 (AGAIN!!! WEEEE!!!) on Thursday, so obvs no WI then either.  I will weigh at home and take .4 off to compensate for the WW scale.

Now on to business.  I have only been blogging for about 9 months, and the first month doesn't really count because while I wanted to be serious and blog, I wasn't serious about my weight loss.  So like so many others, I avoided this place.  Anyway, so imagine my surprise when Grace said she nominated me for Versatile Blogger!  Wow!  Since starting this there are a few bloggers that I personally really look up to and consider like "blog celebrities" and Grace happens to be one of them, so to get a nomination from her was a huge honor, thanks Grace!  My problem is finding bloggers to nominate.  This is an issue for 2 reasons.  1 being that I love all the blogs I follow (otherwise I wouldn't follow them, right?) and 2 it says "new to blogging." Most of the people I follow have been at this a while I think.  But here it goes.

First I would like to nominate DB at 204 & Losing It. 
Then Gina at Burning Babi Fat
Nikki at The Road to Less Cake
In Weigh Over My Head
Deb at Deb is Losing It
Holly at 300 Pounds Down
Bailey at Being Bailey J
Kelly at Curvy Fit Girl
Grace at Grace Dishes
And Staci at Staci's Slimdown

Here are the rules: *

Nominate 10 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging *

Let them know you have nominated them *

Share 7 random facts about yourself *

Thank the bloggers that have nominated you *

Add the versatile blogger award to your post

Okay, 7 random facts.  Here we go..........                                                                                                 

1. I was born at the worst possible time ever.  I was born EARLY on a MONDAY morning.  Monday morning.  Everybody hates Mondays and most people hate mornings.  Doesn't matter though because you all LOVE me, right?                                                                                                                         

2. When I was a kid I used to drink mustard right from the bottle.  I can't stand mustard now                 well except honey or dijion.  Is that  weird?                                                                                           

3. The house I currently live in was actually bought by my great grandparents way back in the day.  And when they ran this place is was an active farm complete with cows, horses, sheep, chickens, etc etc.  I think that's pretty cool, I have a nice piece of family history here.               

4. In the 8th grade as extra credit on a history test, we were told we could write the preamble for the Constitution.  But in order to get credit, it had to be word for word and with the correct punctuation.  To this day I can still recite it.  I would type it here, but I wouldn't want to be accused of cheating.  Kelly, when I see you next week, I'll do it and you can vouch for me, k? Lol

5. I absolutely LOVE breakfast.  I might love breakfast food even more than I love sweets.  I could eat breakfast all day.  And no, I'm not talking about cereal.  I'll have some eggs with bacon, Taylor ham, hash browns, some pancakes, french toast, maybe a waffle and a nice big fresh bagel. Om nom nom nom.                 

6. I like to dance while I'm driving.  I really just like to dance, but I definately dance in the car all the time.  I am that jackass you see going down the highway just grooving.

7. My very first career aspiration EVER was to be a trapeeze artist in the Ringling Bros. circus.  I kid you not.  I was about 3 years old and I saw them and I thought they were so beautiful and graceful.  I just wanted to legit run away to join the circus.  Then I grew up and discovered I am deathly afraid of heights and that I am barely coordinated enough to walk let alone fly through the air.  So there you have it!